Showing posts with label youtube. Show all posts

So here's the deal-- one of my messed up identity issues in my life for a very long time (most of high school and all of college and TFA) has been wanting to be thought of as the girl with an amazing voice.  Like, I know I don't compare to Celine or Mariah or even Pink, but to be one of the best singers a person has actually met and knows in person has truly been an ambition of mine.  I pretend I don't care, that I'm just cool with who I am and if people like my voice, then, you know, nice bonus, but it's no biggie.

Yah, right.

So here's the deal- one of my secret habits is to get on the webcam and record myself singing when I'm bored.  My poor husband woke up at 10:30 last night (Tuesday night, though today is now technically Thursday but I don't care!), worked for 17 hours straight, and he has a really nasty cold and has been coughing up bloody phlegm.  Ick, I know.  Needless to say, he took a nap after dinner for a few hours, and until I woke him up at 11:30 I was massively bored.  I could have replied to some e-mails (sorry, Kels) but instead I messed around with the webcam.

I started singing I'm Not Alright by Sanctus Real (click the link to the music video for the song... you'll see, they are much better than I was!  Great song!!  Hard to sing though!), and I have always loved that song, but suddenly the lyrics just overwhelmed me and I was like, "I'm going to go post a vlog about how this song is so profound to my circumstances and general overall life."  Then I had a stroke of stupidity / genius (take your pic)-- I shoud SING the song in the vlog.

So... I did.  I talk about how singing makes me nervous, yada yada yada, and while earlier I recorded a take of the song where I didn't sound half bad (objectively, it is a very difficult song to sing!) suddenly I was an octave higher and a little shaky and pushing the notes harder and to be honest, it doesn't sound great.

But you know what?  I don't care.  So what if I don't have the greatest singing voice ever?  Who cares?  And even if I can sing better than this video shows, big whoop!  I'm figuring out how to be truly comfortable in my own skin, to embrace the talents God has given me as they are, and to have my identity be in Christ and not some tangental part of my being.

Now, before I embed the vlog, I have to say that I was feeling brave but then I showed it to Jason (he was awake for all of like 25 minutes before passing back out, and I'm not sure how I'm going to coerce him to leave the couch and go back to our bed!  Seriously, he's one sleepy dude.) and the whole time I was cringing and kept saying things like, "Oh man, I suck.  That sounds terrible!  Eek!  Listen!  I sound like I'm just yelling!  Oh man, this is terrible.  I should delete.  Do you think I should take it down?  I'm nuts.  Oh man, what will people think?"

Real ballsy, Tam.  Pshaw.

Wonderful Jason said, simply, "Tami, stop it.  Your voice is beautiful.  You are beautiful."  I kind of melted then and decided to get over myself and just share it with you all.  (As an aside, he also said, "If you're so nervous then why'd you do it?  Sheesh."  but you know, that's kind of the point)

So, I'm getting over myself and sharing this latest (maybe not so much) greatest vlog with you.  There are some funny moments, and to be honest I kind of crack myself up. Seriously, nothing in this vlog was planned, other than I knew I'd sing part of the song.  That was it.  Not that that excuses the horrible screeching parts, but, you know, i'z all good.  I'm honestly not looking for anything here, not too worried about impressing (or depressing, as the case may be!) you.  I'm just taking another step toward getting over myself, that whole being real bit.

Love ya all, happy 2009, and, for the love, have a little mercy on me.  Kidding- I hope you enjoy my "balls" ;)

[You Found Me, The Fray]

I just returned from a lovely date with my sexy husband.  We discovered that our local Starbucks has this sweet upstairs area with couches and chairs and such that not everyone knows about so you can actually sit and talk without 56,000 people crowding you out.  At this moment he is repacking our awesome new Cuisinart because it doesn't work.  I discovered, the hard way (aka with a bunch of onions and garlic already in the prep bowl to be chopped up), that when you turn it on nothing happens... other than outlets blow.  Good thing we have little circuit breakers on our outlets, so it didn't affect our wider electrical system.  So it's a bummer that it's defective, but the sweet thing is that there is a KILLER deal at Macy's today, so we get to have a refund for our 7-cup processor and get the 11-cup processor for the same price as the 7-cup on sale.  We are saving $180 and paying $99.  Sweet deal, if you ask me.  Go Macy's.

Ooooh, I just realized that I have a $30 Macy's gift card left over from our wedding *ahemthatoccurred15monthsago* so we'll end up saving even more.  Ah, good deals.  How I love them.

My oral surgery follow-up went well, btw.  I'm healing nicely.  It was just so extensive that it takes time.  My pain is manageable with ibuprofen and I have a syringe to irrigate the wounds... now it's just a matter of being patient, keeping on with the saltwater rinses, and accepting that having my mouth sliced open hurts and takes time to heal.  Go figure.

But none of you really care about dates and food processors and oral surgery right now, do you?  Because, if you are at all attentive, you remember that today I met with the best bariatric surgeon in the Pac NW (if you don't know what Pac NW means I sort of disown you) and you are eagerly anticipating details.  Well, here you go-- I'm sure I'll be long winded, but you love me for it.  Get a glass of water and settle in for the ride.

One thing I have been kind of battling with is the fact that there is a more extreme surgery than gastric bypass called the duodenal [pronounced doo-odd-in-uhl] switch (I'll shorten it to DS for future use).  It's the same idea- shrinking the stomach and bypassing a section of the intestines; the DS is just far more extensive.  For the truly curious, here are two diagrams; just click on each link to see drawings that represent each procedure:

Roux-en-Y Gastric Bypass

Duodenal Switch

As you can see, the DS just does way more.  I've been torn, because the DS has better numbers as far as excess weight loss.  I'm not sure it's covered by insurance (they couldn't give me a straight answer but most insurances consider it "experimental" and refuse to cover it until there is more data) and I know Dr. Chebli doesn't perform the DS.  Once again, I prayed for wisdom from Jesus, that we'd walk away from the appointment sure of what to do.  Once again, Jesus totally answered my prayer.

We are sticking with gastric bypass and Dr. Chebli.  He said that the DS does have better numbers, because it's so drastic that for some patients who are set on failure (aka eating horribly and not exercising) the surgery wins.  The body simply cannot absorb enough nutrients to gain a lot of weight.  Also, he is very much on top of expertise in the WLS arena and he wouldn't recommend me to anyone in the Pac NW- the only two surgeons he trusts enough to recommend by name are located in Miami and Washington, D.C.  DS requires very close lifelong follow-up with the actual surgeon and I would have to make multiple trips- dozens in the initial year- to the surgeon.  It's just not feasible for us.

So here's the cool thing- Dr. Chebli was very careful not to be a salesman.  He was honest about the benefits of DS, that it could have better results for me, since my BMI is 57.  That said, his RNY (an abbreviation for the proper name of Roux-en-Y gastric bypass) numbers are similar to most DS numbers for other surgeons because his program is really that good.  He is very careful in screening, to make sure patients are really ready to commit to the life changes, and the support before and after surgery is unmatched by most programs around the nation.  He didn't say that- I know that from the research I have done.  That's why he's the best of the best.

Also, if I'm really honest with myself, having a surgery that wins when I am intentionally undisciplined would be VERY bad for me.  I need a full change- spiritual, psychological, emotional, and physical.  No shortcuts- WLS in general is a tool, but not a shortcut.  I know that if I commit to the work required I will be successful, and that Dr. Chebli's program is the best option for me.  So that is settled- pursuing RNY I am.

Yoda is still family related.

The other big take away from the apt. is that the pre-surgery requirements will be a LOT of work.  Seriously. I will do a vlog , hopefully later tonight, about everything I need to get done.  Various tests, studies, procedures, and tons of records gathering shall ensue in the upcoming months.  And I need to lose 18.4 pounds and be on a low-carb diet (30g of carbs a day... that's VERY few for those who are not carb conscious!  There are 13g in an 8oz glass- 1 serving- of milk!) to help reduce the fattiness and size of my liver.  I found out why- if my liver is too large, and thus in the way, Dr. Chebli would have to switch from a laparoscopic procedure- a few small holes to insert instruments, cameras, etc, with a very short recovery time- to an open procedure- where he cuts me open with a large incision and thus drastically increases the health risks (greater chance of infection, etc) and recovery time.

So... overall, the appointment went really well.  My one slight concern is this- I have to provide medical proof of obesity spanning back five years in order for insurance to approve my surgery.  There is a zero percent chance that they'll renege on this requirement.  Insurance companies are trying to make money, after all.  If I can only provide evidence dating back 3 years, for example, insurance can put off my surgery 2 years and hope that I either change my mind, lose weight w/o surgery (thus w/o payment from them), or am no longer on their coverage.

The deal is, 5 years ago I was a junior in college and rarely went to the doctor.  And, sadly, when I did visit the health center for a cold I don't ever remember being weighed.  I know I was obese- I was 290 pounds in June of 2003, which I know because of a scale in my home. I'm just not sure that I have medical records to prove it.

I'm not going to stress- I will trust in Jesus.  If this surgery is right for me, He is God, He is in control, and He'll work out the details.  I can stress out about it, but I don't need to, because stressing won't change a thing.  I can trust God that if these details don't work out then He knows what's best.  That said, I am praying to Jesus that this is His will and that He'll work it out.  I will do my work, gathering every shred of medical evidence and preparing diligently.  Beyond that it's in His hands.  That said, if you are one who prays I certainly appreciate your prayer support!

Overall, things are on the right path.  I'll go post a vlog now with more details re: pre-requirements for surgery, and I'll edit this post when I'm done to include the link and embedded video.  And my in-depth and lengthy post I promised is still in progress, so worry not!

Aight, here's the link and below is the embedded vlog for your lazy viewing pleasure.



Hasta, kids.

[Live Your Life, TI feat Rihanna]

This will be super short, because I had a long day- the sexy husband and I were at church for over 6 hours, and while I love Mars Hill more than my right pinky toe that's a long time to be at church.

I taped a quick YouTube vlog with further thoughts about yesterday's less-than-pleasant experience at the health food market and thought ya'll might want the heads up:

[Don't Look Away, Kate Voegele]

Operation: Gluten Free Living commenced today.

Here's what's up: my beloved husband, one Jason Jay Hizzlindometrius, has suffered from nasty psoriasis for the last 10 years.  It causes these icky puss filled lesions to form, mostly on his knees, elbows, and... other unpleasant places.  They itch and burn like crazy, the poor guy.  The only effective treatment has been this massively expensive topical cream, which he has to apply, sit around for 30 minutes, and then shower off.  When he finally went to a new derm (read: our term for dermatologist) here in Seattle to renew his prescription for said meds the derm told him that it looked like a classic case of dermatitis herpetiformis (DH).  After a skin biopsy it was confirmed-- Jason has a severe allergy to gluten which causes the nasty lesions to form, and his DH has gone undiagnosed for 10 years. (If you are really curious about DH you can read more here .)

Here are two pictures of what one of my baby's right knee area looks like:



The thing is, not only do 75-90% of people with DH have Celiac disease (the common gluten allergy; it basically makes those same icky lesions form on the inner lining of people's intestines), which Jason is going to also be tested for, but it is linked to numerous other autoimmune disorders.  It also heightens the risk that Jas will develop lymphoma (cancer of the lymph nodes).  What is really scary here is that his dad had lymphoma in his late 40's, which already means Jas is at higher risk to develop the disease.  Also, DH is hereditary and our children will be likely to have the condition.

So, we have to go strictly gluten free.  Especially for the first year-- we can't risk Jason eating anything that could be cross-contaminated with gluten (which is found in wheat, barley, and rye).  It's insane how many things contain gluten, though- check out this list (scroll down about 1/3 of the way to "What do I need to avoid?").  We can't eat out anywhere, save for maybe PF Chang's (they have a gluten-free menu and seem to be GF friendly, understanding that even gluten-filled flour particles in the air can cross contaminate food... at least, so I have heard.  We'll see.) and I hear that Outback and Red Robin also have GF menus but you have to request them.  This is all new to me, and we don't really eat out much, so we'll have to figure it out as we go.

By the way, you may see Outback and think, "Gluten free at a steakhouse?  You just don't get a roll, right?"  But, actually, even steak seasonings frequently have various elements with gluten.  It's crazy how many things you can't have- even soy sauce.  Salad dressings.  Ice cream.  Anything with starch, especially modified food starch, even vegetable starch.  Any thickener.  Pretty much just about anything you can think of!

The deal is, we can't just not eat out- we really shouldn't even eat in anyone else's kitchen.  A crumb on the counter, a fork not cleaned enough, etc.  So it's not just not eating the food people bring to potlucks, but we should bring our own food, our own dishes, etc.  I should note here that I say 'we' because, though Jason has the disease, I need to fully support him.  I can't risk that food I have in the house will make him sick (read: cause horrible skin lesions and increase his risk for cancer), or that even kissing me after I eat something with gluten could affect him.  I know this seems extreme, but I refuse to take chances.  Thus, it's Jason's illness but by the association of marriage it's mine, too.  So, we don't want to be 'that' couple, the high-maintenance one who can't eat anything or anywhere.  But... it's his health, and possibly that of our children.  I would totally oblige for any friends in the same situation, no matter how high-maintenance.

There's a silver lining, a blessing in disguise, in all of this.  But... I am tired of typing.  And, to be honest, I look cute.  Today Jason and I went to a couple of local stores to check out the GF products, so I wanted to look pretty for him :)  And, since I'm feeling a little prettier than normal, I figure I will post a vlog.  But a very cool thing happened today, and you should check it out.  I'll embed the vlog below.  It's actually something that I think will really encourage and bless many of you, and I know it's a wee bit long, but I really hope you enjoy it.
I really need to figure out how to look cute and smiley at the end, so that the picture doesn't make me look like a complete tool :)

[Somewhere Over The Rainbow, Israel Kamakawiwo'ole]

A few quick things.

First of all, I found a different BMI calculator that lists where I rank versus other Americans... you can check it out here .  I was pretty discouraged to find out that I am in the 98th percentile.

The NINETY-EIGHTH percentile.  Less than two percent of all American females weigh more than I do.  I know I'm fat, fatter than even most fat people, but... ouch.

Another eye opener was how I look on camera.  I had the random (brilliant?) idea today to start posting vlogs (video logs, for those stuck in the dinosaur era... kidding!) on YouTube.  I have a Foode Fight channel there, I just never utilized it.

Truthfully, it's one thing to write and post the rare picture.  It's something else entirely to record  myself.  Now, if you thought I was always as cute as my profile pic, you'll realize that usually I don't look like that.  My hair is frizzy, my teeth are jacked up, and I look far less lovely when I am not wearing make-up.  I realized, though, that I need to just get comfortable with who I am.  So what if I don't do my hair and wear make-up every day?  I let the world see me that way in person... a video just captures the moment longer.  And someday I will get braces and my teeth won't be likened to those of vampires.

Random fact:  my only birthmark(s) are two faint dots on my neck, over my jugular, that look exactly like a vampire bit me.  Ducky.

The point is... I am who I am.  So, I uploaded my first video today.  It's embedded below.  I have to say that usually I am way more animated, which I hope future videos will portray, and I will totally speak up next time.  I'll also work on enunciating- I recognize that you totally can't understand certain parts on the first view.  Seriously... I didn't prepare.  I just clicked "record" and went for it.  At the end, when it cuts off, I was in the middle of saying "That was dumb".  You'll understand why if you watch it... I wish I hadn't cut it off so soon because it would have been rather funny.

Also, I love the part from 4:07 to 4:13... I could watch that a million times.  I think it's because the faces I made remind me of something you'd see on The Office.

Anyway, this is risky.  Definitely took some cojones/cahonas if you know what I mean.

Listen, I don't feel pretty.  I watch that video, and while the person I see is somewhat endearing, I hate the way her eyes are made to look small because of how the fat squishes into them.  The 57 chins are completely not my favorite.  Just when I admire the cute mouth with the perfect shade of pink lips I notice the crazy teeth and the way I curl those lips when I feel awkward.  My forehead is huge.  On and on... I'd feel a little better about me with my hair done and make-up on, but I refuse to go get "done up" to record a video that's supposed to be raw, real, and honest insight into a fat lady's journey to conquer morbid obesity / food addiction.  If I am wearing make-up already and feel cute, I might hop on to post a vlog, but I certainly won't wear it solely to do so.

Watch me go and get all done up and post one tomorrow, right?  That would be funny.  We'll see.

Anyway, the video's embedded.  Here is the Foode Fight channel on YouTube; feel free to subscribe.  Make me feel popular.  'Twould be nice.

Last thing: I showed this to my husband, and as I sat there noticing every reason why I don't think I am beautiful, he was mesmerized the entire time, genuinely laughed at comical parts, and tenderly kissed me at the end and told me how incredibly amazing I am.  I still don't understand what he sees when he looks at me, but I hope that sooner or later I start to believe him.

Done and done.

Hasta, kids.