Showing posts with label incremental weight loss goals. Show all posts

A Friday quickie for ya :)

This week was good on the eating front. I think the one area that could use some attention is eating big dinners. A few times this week dinner was 1,000-1,200 calories, which isn't a huge deal since I have averaged 2,400 a day and only went over 2,600 cal by 10 calories once. But the problem with a big dinner is that I wake up and don't want to eat a big, filling breakfast in the morning, which is what revs up my metabolism. For the second day in a row the thought of a eating a heavy bowl of oatmeal made me wanna hurl.

On the exercise front it was weak. I was too sick Monday and Tuesday, Wednesday I did something that was, at the time, much more prudent [more on that in a minute], and last night I actually just plumb forgot. I'm going on a little retreat with the community group gals tonight and will get back late-ish tomorrow, then Sunday we're going apartment hunting, so I'm a busy little quesadilla this weekend. But the good news is that I did take some measures to intentionally get more steps in (parking far away on purpose, etc) so I actually feel ok about this. And on steps, I did get about 4,000 a day (usually 3,800 measured but I don't put it on while I'm getting ready in the morning and usually take it off around 8 at night... tough to clip on a pedometer when you're favorite home attire doesn't include pants) so I'm ok with where I am. I know I'll need to step it up, but I feel good about not lazing around and eating like a pork chop. I want Jesus more than food, and that's a HUGE leap for me :)

Ok, last thing- what I did on Wednesday night- I plucked and cremed away my eyebrows and upper lip hair. Seriously- I think that losing weight has somehow shot my facial hair growing capacity into overdrive. Generally, I want to get healthy and I wouldn't change anything about my body with a magic wand in terms of not-knobby knees, smaller nose, etc. But I would do one thing- zap my freaking facial hair. I grow a femoustache faster than anything. To be fair, my hair (as in long, luscious locks... kidding) grows really fast, too. But I hate- HATE- the upper lip catastrophe on my face. I feel so much better about life when my eyebrows are plucked and my femoustache is annihilated (at least for a week or two).

So, on that note, I have decided that my getting-under-300-pounds reward shall be electrolysis on my upper lip. I never struggle with hating pretty-bodied models in magazines (I may be fat but I'm really ok with my own body, even more so as it keeps shrinking), but I always catch myself thinking mean thoughts about the women the make-up ads with the [fake and retouched 5,000 times, I know] flawless skin and oh-so-smooth upper lip. I want to kick them.

Ergo, I need to keep losing weight because Sally Hansen just isn't meeting my needs the way she used to. We're gonna have to bring in the laser guns.

Have a lovely weekend :)

So I have an idea that will help me stay accountable to my weight loss goals in addition to not fretting over the .2 pounds that appear / disappear from my body at random per the scale. I came up with it last night-- welcome to the first Weigh-In Wednesday! I'll use these to track my progress.

I think Wednesday is a great day because, hello, alliteration. Plus, Wednesday is a good day because it's a few days removed from the weekend (the toughest time for me to stay on track with my eating) and it's nice because it's in the middle of my scheduled workout days. I think that Wednesday is probably the most accurate day for representing my actual weight.

So... we're counting this week as Week 1. I know that 7 weeks ago I weighed 367, so that will always be my original weight, but this week marks the beginning of serious progress tracking.

Starting Weight: 367 (circa January 15, 2008)

Starting BMI: 57.5

Week 1: 351.0 (March 5, 2008)

Week 1 BMI: 55.0

Pounds Lost This Week: -*

BMI Lost This Week: -*

Total Pounds Lost: 16

Total BMI Lost: 2.5

% Weight Lost This Week: -*

Total % Lost: 4.36%

* Weight loss in the first week is irrelevant, particularly since the marking point began nearly 7 weeks ago.

I'm also going to add a lovely little sidebar for quick tracking, particularly for new visitors and/or those who may not check in for awhile :)

As a side note, how cool that I decided to start this last night and then you chimed in with the suggestion, Amy! Pretty sweet :) And thanks to all of you who are encouraging me-- I have accounted in my daily calories for 2 slices of pizza and loads of salad with a tiny bit of dressing on the side. I'll check in after lunch to let you all know how I do.

Today is a vastly different day from Sunday.

That sentence has the word "day", be it alone or in a compound word, three times. Hmmm.

Anyway, my place of employment is having a sales training this week so a bunch of our dealers from around the country are here. We're providing food all week, and today was a taco bar from Qdoba (yummuh!). The good news is I ate the amount I'd normally eat when saving room for seconds... only I didn't go back for seconds. In addition, I really wanted a whole cookie but I cut it in half. And it was DELICIOUS! I did have a half of a brownie later, though I wanted to eat the whole thing. Instead I chose to wrap up half to save for my hubby for when he picks me up, so that was actually another victory for me :)

Tomorrow is pizza, so if you think of it, feel free to shoot me an encouraging comment/e-mail/Facebook quote to remind me of why I have to choose to be self-controlled.

This reminds me... one area I generally tend to suck at is remembering to keep this battle- and it is a battle, literally a flat-out war- focused on victory for Jesus and not just Tami. My deepest desire is that through this journey I would surrender my eating habits to Jesus Christ, to allow Him to fulfill my deepest needs as opposed to numbing my hurts with the narcotic that is food. I forget to be prayerful when tempted as opposed to relying on mere human wisdom. If telling myself how bad that cookie is for me, or how horrid it will look on my hips, worked to keep me from eating it then I wouldn't weigh 351.2 (so obnoxious- when, oh WHEN, will I break under 350 permanently? Mreh.) pounds. Thus, my mere health is not enough- it has to be about Jesus or I will never stop failing.

One last thing- a friend reminded me that one instance of overeating doesn't make me a perpetual failure. It's a bad choice, and a mistake to be sure, but I won't forever sport a big, fat F on my forehead. What a great encourager! She also suggested that I do what she does- no cookies in the abode, pretty much ever, but when she just really, REALLY craves one she goes out and buys one and eats the whole thing.

I really think this is the best idea for me- I simply cannot never have another chocolate chip cookie in my life because I'm pretty sure I'll die. But one every four to eight weeks (about how often I just HAVE to have something of that sort) will be ok. This is what I do with McDonald's fries- I can't just eat them whenever the desire for them crosses my mind. But if I really crave them, and they've perpetually bogarted my thoughts for a week or so, then I can get a small serving of them off the dollar menu- but nothing else, and the cheap cost is no excuse to get more stuff. I will now shamefully admit that for some sick reason I absolutely LOVE the el cheapo double cheeseburgers from McD's- a place I don't really even like, generally speaking. I just can't eat only one- I prefer three at a time because I'm a pork chop that way. So, I just have decided that for me, McD's double cheese are dead. They died and are gone. But fries 4-5 times a year is acceptable, if I plan for it and take it into account for my daily caloric intake. So, I'll do the same with chocolate chip cookies.

:) No more babbling! Feel free, as always, to share thoughts!

I had a very tough realization this weekend- I cannot have cookies in the apartment. We purchased some at Trader Joe's, with the sincere intention of eating a serving size at a time. I really thought I could do that.

I thought wrong.

I literally upwards of 30- THIRTY - of them. The worst part is that they weren't even that good. They were hard and crispy and just not that tasty. I think that's part of why I ate so many- I kept thinking that the next one would taste like what I was dreaming of.

Ugh. Food! How I loathe and love it and the relationship is still rocky. I want to just magically wake up tomorrow with a perfect relationship with food... instead, it is to me like the abusive boyfriend I just can't seem to break up with. I was watching some Law and Order this weekend, and one episode had a woman who was just beat half to death by her boyfriend, and she wouldn't leave him because he would apologize and tell her he loved her so much and would never hit her again, he would die without her, and she was the most beautiful woman in the world. So she'd stay. Then he'd do it again. The sick cycle never broke. Typically in those situations the woman ends up dead.

That's my reality- if I can't abandon this food addiction, unable to deny the cajoling and woos, then I'll kill myself. The food will clog my arteries, spike my blood sugar, skyrocket my blood pressure, wear out my joints, and eventually choke the life from me. I know this is the truth. Usually I'm strong, but yesterday I just gave in. The worst part is that I really wasn't even emotionally eating. It was pure lust for sugary cookies. There was no pretense that the food was going to replace an empty feeling. Rather, it was 100% lust to pleasure my taste buds. So sad.

It gets even worse, however... when it hit me that 1,500 calories were about to be absorbed by my body I threw up. I literally binged and purged. In the back of my mind the whole time I knew I would. The irony, if that is allowed in these situations, is that my leg muscles were sore the entire time from a fairly intense workout Saturday (lunges KILL me still). There I was, aching muscles and all, tears streaming down my face from the forced regurgitation, asking why I do this to myself. How pathetic- a 26-year-old woman sobbing into the toilet because she's desperate to no longer weigh 350 pounds, yet she can't say no to some inanimate cookies. And to think that horrid display of humanity is me.

To think that Jesus saw me, in that moment, and spread His arms to receive the nails...

I really can't explain why I did it. Frequently, as of late, I have been able to deny the urges, but yesterday I just didn't. I want to blame it on being sick- I have a death cold right now- but I don't honestly feel that affected my will power. I just completely caved.

I can't do much else beyond dragging myself back off the ground, allowing Christ to be the one to lift my head, and prayerfully seek to keep letting Him be the one to be my strength. We call can clearly see my own strength doesn't get me much further than a porcelain tomb.

PS I believe I was 350.6 (?... the number after the decimal is the one I can't remember) this morning, but I had wet hair. I was 349.2 yesterday, but every time I hit 349-point-anything the scale magically says 354 or so the next day, so I'm not getting my hopes up too high. We'll see where I am by the end of the week.

PPS I have my first personal training session next Monday at 7; I hope to learn a lot. On the downside, I can't breathe without cringing in pain, so working out is pretty much... out... tonight. We plan to try and do some more low-key stuff on the Wii, and I'll try doing some strength training by doing lunges, squats, and some various work with my handy-dandy 5 lb weights.

I weighed 350.0 pounds this morning.

Maybe tomorrow is the big day I am officially under?

In other news, I worked out REALLY hard yesterday (seriously, I'd like to see any normal, fit person- let alone one my size- do 50 reps of 120 pounds on the Thighsolator. I dare you.). I have pushed myself before, but this was further still.

I'm not sure what I did differently but...

My butt muscles hurt. A LOT.