Showing posts with label music moves me. Show all posts

So here's the deal-- one of my messed up identity issues in my life for a very long time (most of high school and all of college and TFA) has been wanting to be thought of as the girl with an amazing voice.  Like, I know I don't compare to Celine or Mariah or even Pink, but to be one of the best singers a person has actually met and knows in person has truly been an ambition of mine.  I pretend I don't care, that I'm just cool with who I am and if people like my voice, then, you know, nice bonus, but it's no biggie.

Yah, right.

So here's the deal- one of my secret habits is to get on the webcam and record myself singing when I'm bored.  My poor husband woke up at 10:30 last night (Tuesday night, though today is now technically Thursday but I don't care!), worked for 17 hours straight, and he has a really nasty cold and has been coughing up bloody phlegm.  Ick, I know.  Needless to say, he took a nap after dinner for a few hours, and until I woke him up at 11:30 I was massively bored.  I could have replied to some e-mails (sorry, Kels) but instead I messed around with the webcam.

I started singing I'm Not Alright by Sanctus Real (click the link to the music video for the song... you'll see, they are much better than I was!  Great song!!  Hard to sing though!), and I have always loved that song, but suddenly the lyrics just overwhelmed me and I was like, "I'm going to go post a vlog about how this song is so profound to my circumstances and general overall life."  Then I had a stroke of stupidity / genius (take your pic)-- I shoud SING the song in the vlog.

So... I did.  I talk about how singing makes me nervous, yada yada yada, and while earlier I recorded a take of the song where I didn't sound half bad (objectively, it is a very difficult song to sing!) suddenly I was an octave higher and a little shaky and pushing the notes harder and to be honest, it doesn't sound great.

But you know what?  I don't care.  So what if I don't have the greatest singing voice ever?  Who cares?  And even if I can sing better than this video shows, big whoop!  I'm figuring out how to be truly comfortable in my own skin, to embrace the talents God has given me as they are, and to have my identity be in Christ and not some tangental part of my being.

Now, before I embed the vlog, I have to say that I was feeling brave but then I showed it to Jason (he was awake for all of like 25 minutes before passing back out, and I'm not sure how I'm going to coerce him to leave the couch and go back to our bed!  Seriously, he's one sleepy dude.) and the whole time I was cringing and kept saying things like, "Oh man, I suck.  That sounds terrible!  Eek!  Listen!  I sound like I'm just yelling!  Oh man, this is terrible.  I should delete.  Do you think I should take it down?  I'm nuts.  Oh man, what will people think?"

Real ballsy, Tam.  Pshaw.

Wonderful Jason said, simply, "Tami, stop it.  Your voice is beautiful.  You are beautiful."  I kind of melted then and decided to get over myself and just share it with you all.  (As an aside, he also said, "If you're so nervous then why'd you do it?  Sheesh."  but you know, that's kind of the point)

So, I'm getting over myself and sharing this latest (maybe not so much) greatest vlog with you.  There are some funny moments, and to be honest I kind of crack myself up. Seriously, nothing in this vlog was planned, other than I knew I'd sing part of the song.  That was it.  Not that that excuses the horrible screeching parts, but, you know, i'z all good.  I'm honestly not looking for anything here, not too worried about impressing (or depressing, as the case may be!) you.  I'm just taking another step toward getting over myself, that whole being real bit.

Love ya all, happy 2009, and, for the love, have a little mercy on me.  Kidding- I hope you enjoy my "balls" ;)

[Oh Holy Night, Ex Nihilo]

If you liked the song in the below post (too lazy to link it- you can find it!) and you like and / or think Christmas music is too cheeseball- either one, really- then you should check out this song, too.

This isn't just my fave Christmas song (I'm in that whole cheeseball category)- it's one of my fave songs, ever, and that's saying something because I loves me some music!

Anyway, enjoy; but before you do, know that you can check out other Mars Hill music (like the 80's throwback worship band, Mint- no, really- and others, even some more Christmas music) on the Mars Hill Church website .

[Come Ye Sinners, Ex Nihilo]

I'm embedding the title song at the end of my blog; we're blessed with an incredible church that plays ROCKIN' worship music, no sissy stuff, and I never knew I could love old hymns like this one until I came to Mars Hill.  Anyway, when you finish reading, give the song a listenin' to!  It's really good, and not just "good for church music" good- like actually solidly good music!  Love it :)

So, as I mentioned in my last post, this one and perhaps one or two more were written on Christmas Eve Eve (got that... I know you do!) because I'm in the grand ol' Missoula, MT to celebrate Christmas with my fabulous in-laws... fabulously flawed, like every other family, but I'd have it no other way.  "Perfect" people make me puke.

Well, at least, they make me want to.

This actually reminds me of something wonderful- we were recently with a bunch of friends from church and one of the guys is a new Christian.  He just met Jesus right before Halloween.  He's soaking up the Bible and learning what it means to be in relationship with Jesus and he's not the least bit religious because he doesn't know how to be.  At least, not yet, and hopefully not ever.

Anyway, we were all talking about our lives, the work Jesus is doing in us, and he started kind of tooting his own horn, talking about how generous he is and has always been and that's just a really generous person.  There was this uncomfortable shift in the room, as people sort of diverted eyes and looked at the ground.  I know what everyone was thinking-- "You're a Christian!  All glory to Jesus!  Anything good in you is because of Him, not your own merit!"

This is totally true.  But... the truth is, all of us, at one point or another, think we are better than other people.  We pride ourselves on what we consider our better attributes, and we usually determine our worth by contrast to others.  We either think, "Man, my friend Scott is such an ass!  I'm so glad I'm nice!" or we think, "Man, my friend Matt is so nice.  I'm such an ass."  When we compare to other people we always come out either looking really good or really bad.  So... we Christians (are supposed to only) compare ourselves to Jesus, realize that He is perfect and we are wretched, and find joy in dying to ourselves in order to be more like Him.

So yeah- said "I'm-awesomely-generous" friend was off base.  But I found it so refreshing that he just said that, his patting-my-own-back bit, because it was honest.  Jesus will mature Him, and that he'll stop relying on his attempts at righteousness, but that comes from walking with Jesus over time.  I was refreshed because so many of us, even more mature Christians, to this same thing- I, for example, think, "I am such a loving person.  I just really care about people.  I always have.  Look at me, world, I'm fabulous!".

Ok, so I don't actually think in those words, but I definitely have that attitude.  The deal is, though, I rarely admit that to a room full of friends in love with Jesus.  I don't want to look like such a... sinner.

Go figure.

So I'm grateful for "generous" friend, for reminding me that it's better to be honest and let the ugly truth of how desperate I am for Jesus to redeem me just hang out there.  Better than to put up the constant front of having it all together and basically living a lie.

Today, this day that we celebrate the birth of Jesus, think about why He came.  Not for presents.  Not for family, even.  Not for snow or Santa or eggnog or mistletoe or even animals with flashing red noses.

Jesus came to set us free, to redeem us and allow us to find the liberty of living life not for ourselves, imprisoned by our sin nature, but for Him.  A great Savior He truly is.  I'm honored to be able to say, with full confidence, that Jesus Christ is my Savior.  The baby in the manger died as a sinless man on the tree, and He's my entire life.  I struggle to live out the gospel, whoring out on food addiction and stuck in obesity, but He loves me, Jesus loves me, He perfectly fully actually completely loves me and He died while I was a sinner heckling Him on that cross as His sinless blood pumped out the hamburger mess that was His broken body.  From birth as a newborn in a barn that was always His purpose and, because of Him and only Him, I have the chance to be free.

That, my friends, is a reason to celebrate a merry Christmas.

So... listen to this song.  I'll even post the lyrics.  Read them.  Think about them.  And know that they are truth.

Love ya, kids.

This is absolutely the funniest video ever. Seriously. Even if you don't like American Idol, this is hilarity. I found it because David Cook thinks this is funny, which is admirable.

Cook was my guy, but had he lost I would not have reacted like this, just so you know.




As an aside, this is just plain creepy.

http://bittenbyacougar.com/

If men had a site like this people would freak.  Though I supposed that's just called porno.  Ugh.

[I Will Follow You Into The Dark, Death Cab For Cutie]

Tonight's dinner was DELICIOUS.  'Twas simple, too.  I cut up a few chicken breasts (boneless and skinless, of course), chopped up an onion and some garlic, and began cooking it in a TB or two of e.v. olive oil.  Meanwhile, some rice was on the back burner doing it's thang with water.  After a coupla minutes I added salt & pepper (we get the grind-it-yourself... I wanted to say "grind-it-yo-damn-self" there... funny... kind from Costco. I highly recommend this.) and then a cup or three- I didn't measure- of chicken stock.  I let that reduce for a few minutes, maybe more like 8, and then added four heaping TB of tasty Costco Kirkland Signature pesto.  I love that stuff.

At this point I realized it was more of a pesto soup than a pesto sauce so I mixed up two heaping TB of corn starch in 4 or so ounces of cold milk (that's the trick- did y'all know that?  Hot liquid + corn starch = Lumpy like a rumpled fanny) and added that.  Then I added about 1/2 cup finely chopped walnuts and about 3/4 cup feta... yummy!  I let it simmer for about 3 minutes while I prepared some fresh, organic flat leaf parsley and thyme.

Here's the final product:

[Light On, David Cook]

Still can't stop listenting to David Cook's new song, especially now that I was finally able to buy it on iTunes today. 

This will have to be super quick, because it's late, I'm exhausted, and it will be a long week.

First, I keep gaining weight even though I'm doing things right.  The scale was down to 356 last Monday (or maybe 2 Mondays ago, I can't remember) and since then we have started eating at about 6:30 pm instead of 10 pm, and cut down to simply one 100 cal fudgesicle for dessert (as opposed to ice cream or cookies- those were in moderation, but still- they're fatty sugary messes, and are even worse at 11 pm at night).  I still haven't been to water aerobics (yesterday I went to Bremerton to learn about crazy coupons- more on that in a minute) and I had to catch the 10:15 ferry in order to get a ride to the terminal from my husband, thus, no w.a.  Still, I have been walking about 3 times a week, plus am focusing on portion control.  I should be losing weight.  Instead the scale said 362 this morning.  I just don't get it and am forcing myself to keep trudging along, pushing myself, and to not pig out and give up.  It sucks though.  I'm almost back to my starting weight after losing nearly 30 pounds.  I really need to see a doctor about this.

Secondly, with my husband's job going to half time (aka losing about a third of our income) we have to really get serious about our budget.  Plus, we finally figured out all of our debt and it's over $90,000.  I cried.  That's why I learned the coupon tips, to cut our food/toiletries/household items budget nearly in half.  That's kind of a big deal right now.  He needs a job.  If you live in Seattle-ish and know of some solid entry-level IT position, please let us know and put in a good word for Jas.

Thirdly, my Goompa died yesterday.  I don't know if he knew Jesus, though I have no reason to believe he did and I just have to give it all over to God.  The funeral is Friday morning about 3 hours away so I'll have to miss water aerobics again and overall it's just a really painful thing to go through.  My heart aches for my mom for losing her father when she's still so young (only 51) and for my Grandma, who was married to him for 52 years and now is all alone.  We knew it was coming, and I am grateful that his suffering on earth is over; I can only pray that he's somehow with Jesus, that he had some sort of spiritual awakening in the last hours. 

Lastly, some of you may love it and others hate it, but there's a site that offers money for blogging and I've wanted to write a blog that examines culture by comparing it to God's word, so I started one to earn a little extra cash for our family by combining three things I love- Jesus' word, writing, and pop culture.  Here's the address:

http://16hours.today.com/

I get extra cash for every 1,000 reads or something like that, so feel free to pass it on, whether it's because you love it or hate it.  Either way, we need to not be $90k in debt and it's a joy for me to write about that stuff.  Ignore the annoying ads- that's how they make their money and can afford to pay me, albeit a measly $1 a post.  That's still $30 a month toward debt, which is $365 a year, and I'm finally realizing that every single dollar counts when you're seeking to be a good steward (aka responsible with money). 

Ok.  Too tired to exist.  I'm out.

I figured that since I keep gushing about it I should share with y'all:

[Free Fallin' (Live), John Mayer - Tom Petty cover]