At the behest of a friend, I am finally updating.  

I know it's been awhile, but there just hasn't been much to say.  Still in pain, still spend most of my time on the couch (though I am trying to sit up more now... a comfy chair is ok for about an hour, but desk chairs KILL me after about 3 minutes.  Ick.

I halfheartedly weighed in today and it said 346.  It was up a pound and a half from last week.  I've eaten a little more than I should... no, actually scratch that.  I haven't been eating more than I should, but I'm not eating as healthily as I should.  So a pound and a half is totally understandable and I am not too bummed.  I just get kind of tired of the routine... too much pain to sleep, so I can't fall asleep until around 3 am.  Then I wake up, tired, between 10-12, depending on the day.  Then I try not to cry from pain crawling (literally) out of bed.  I use the bathroom, and set up residence on the couch for about an hour.  My muscles relax a little, so then I shower and eat something (a tuna sandwich 90% of the time).  Then I try to sit up for awhile, and watch TV until Jason gets home (between 3-6, depending on the day).  We chat, he makes dinner, we eat while watching Law & Order: SVU, then he tries to take care of life stuffs (from unpacking to cleaning to paying bills to church stuff to whatever needs to be done) while I watch TV, then we go to bed between 11pm-12am.  He zonks out, I read for an hour or so, then toss and turn for a few hours, in pain, until I fall asleep.  Throw in taking meds at every meal, and consistently upset stomach, and that's our life.  

Not super awesome.  It stinks to finally live in such an awesome city with so much to do right at our fingertips but pain limits me, time limits him, and finances from suddenly relying on only one income really limits us both.  I don't know how we'll pay the bills, I just trust Jesus first and then Jason to provide.  

I'm not whining, I just don't have a lot to say on here.  I'm totally uninspired.  But I'm still kickin', and I'm getting a haircut tomorrow so I promise to post before and after pics by Saturday :)

I seriously LOVE this song.  The solo(?) with the violins at 2:47 or so into the song takes my breath away every time.  Love it.

So... we're Seattleites, officially.  'Tis wonderful.  The hubby is off to pick up a couple of small-ish Ikea dressers (oh, the joys of Craigslist) because our big one is literally 1/2 an inch too big to fit in the closet, but it's an important 1/2 of an inch.  Such is life.  The good news is that we're netting a sweet profit (someone already bought our dresser, within about an hour of posting it... again, love Craigslist) from the transaction and the smaller dressers will work just fine so it's all good.

I must say- I LOVE our new apartment.  It's a wee bit smaller than would make it perfect, but then again our last apartment was way too big so it's kind of nice to have to downsize a little.  having so much stuff is just ridiculous.

In other news, my back hurts.  A stinkin' lot.  And I promise I've done minimal work... enough to get Jason harping on me to stop, but I think it's just angry at me for not being in my own bed last night (we slept in the guest room of the wonderful couple upstairs that we're renting from).  As such, I'll try to wrap up (plus I need to finish putting le DVD's away).  

The final thing I will write is GOOD NEWS!  I weighed myself a minute ago, and in clothes and mid-afternoon (usually first thing in the morning is lightest) it said 344.4!  It was 350 last week!  So I'll try to do a real weigh-in tomorrow morning.  I honestly haven't had much of an appetite but the last couple of days had some fast food (Qdoba and Arby's) thrown in the mix, which is out of the norm but we had no food left to eat since it was all packed up, and so this was a pleasant surprise!  I hope hope hope that tomorrow's weigh-in is back down close to 340.

Oh!  And we found a sweet little grill from Home Depot that we purchased so now we can grill!  Our old apartment was on the ground floor and I just didn't trust people not to steal a grill, but now we're in a bit safer place and can keep it out of sight from thieving kinds.  One of the best ever (read: tasty, quick, and easy) meals is to marinate a meat (chicken, beef, pork, whatever) overnight, and then toss it on the grill with some zucchini cut down the middle.  Boil a little water for cous cous and voila! Delicioso!  Plus, Jason can do it until I get my wellness back.  

Ok, friends, I should get back onto my comfy couch so my back will stop screaming, but first- THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU to my rock stars Brittney and Molly who sent me awesome care packages (I'm a third of the way through Prince, Britt!  Jas is in awe of my reading prowess!).  I am so well loved and it's a true blessing.  You ladies, in a word, rock.

Hasta ;)

[No Air, Jordin Sparks feat. Chris Brown... I know, I know, but it's the song stuck in my head]

It's been awhile.  Well, ok, I posted on Wednesday but I haven't felt like the real me in awhile.  I'm not back to the healed me, but I figure this is me, regardless of levels of pain and how messed up my life has become.  My life doesn't feel normal compared to what was normal 3 weeks ago, but who am I to determine that the status quo for my life was determined by my life up to that point?  Maybe this injury will be life-changing but it will never define me and no matter how tough this gets I have to continue to fight for my health.  Maybe in 6 days or 6 weeks or 6 years or 6 decades I'll be back to "normal", or maybe I never will.  But I can't just decide my life is on hold because I have a hell of a lot of living left to do and I'm going to get on with it.

Our scale is packed up and I doubt I'll be able to get a weigh-in by next Wednesday, but save for horrible circumstances I'll do one the Wednesday after that (around the first of July? I haven't seen a calendar in weeks).  The pain is mounting which means the percocet is wearing off so I need to cut this short but just know that I'm going to do my best to, while looking out for my health first and foremost, begin posting consistently again.

You all have been awesome and so supportive, so thank you.  Oh, and I have literally nothing to do but be in my bed listening to either my radio or iPod, either reading or doing crosswords or sudoku (but I can't be in a position to hold a book for those things for very long because I get sore and uncomfortable) through at least Tuesday (we move in Wednesday to our new place, but who knows how long that will take to have internet and TV and stuff back) so, basically, please leave comments.  I can use the engaging materials :)

Love ya, locos!

Still in pain.  Still on drugs.  

The physical therapist (I had an acute treatment today; the full work-up is scheduled for the 23rd) told me that this is likely a life-altering injury.

Lovely.

I'm not sure what that means.  My dear husband is so supportive, and willing to do whatever it takes to keep us afloat, which is lovely.  But this will likely cost me my job because I just doubt that they're going to have the patience for me to be out for weeks on end and then return slowly slowly slowly.  We'll see.  But we have to start considering other options, and the truth is I am only truly- TRULY- passionate about two things in terms of work:

1) Eventually being a stay at home mama

2) Writing

It's scary to consider at this point in my life, when there are so many bills to pay, but perhaps it's time Jas and I pursue writing.  We both love it and we both have various levels of skill.  He's so eloquent, while I'm more raw.  I like to write the same way I'd talk to a friend, and I hope that makes each person feel like they're sitting down with me in my living room folding laundry and sipping some delicious beverage (aka not TEA.  Sick.) and just chatting about life and love and why.

Anyway, that's today.  This could change tomorrow... but it's what's on my mind so I am sharing it with you all.

Also, being le Foode Fight blog, I don't know how much I weigh.  I'm still too scared to find out.  I was 345 last Thursday with clothes on when I got my MRI, but I just feel so puffy and I am on so many different drugs right now, and honestly, I can't stress about weight.  I'm doing my best to not overeat, and I can't exercise at ALL, so I just have to eat well and trust that I'll be ok.  

Lastly, I miss Darla.  I hope you're well, wherever you are now, Darlin'.

PS I am not going to number my entries until I feel like they are "normal" entries again.  I can't really explain what I mean, but I hope you understand.  This time of my life is not normal... so my entries will just be titled with whatever comes to my head first.

I have a herniated disk and torn tissues surrounding it.  A back surgeon will look at my MRI, but they tend to be conservative as far as surgery so I am on bed rest for two more weeks (at least), I have a full physical therapy work-up the 23rd (with a quick little "mini" session tomorrow morning) and there is a possibility of a cortisone shot to my back to try and help it heal faster on it's own.  I won't know more until my doc speaks to the back specialist.  

It's tough... I cried.  A minimum of two more weeks without work- likely longer since I probably won't be able to return to full time right away- is... well, devastating financially.  But I am just choosing to trust Jesus and believe my husband that he'll work it out and to not stress over that.  My full time job is to heal, that's what he keeps telling me.  Have I mentioned how wonderful he is?

Other than that I just lay on the couch all day- ALL DAY- and I mostly watch TV all day.  I literally only get up to use the bathroom and I half sit up to eat.  We're loading all of our stuff into a truck Saturday (we're actually moving Tuesday evening / Wednesday day but Saturday is when we can get help to load the truck) so I'll have nothing to do all day Sunday (Monday I am going to spend the day with a beloved family, because Jason will work really long hours, and, tragically, I am about as able to take care of myself as a 3 year old.  Lovely.), so if you have a great, enthralling fiction book you love that you want to lend me (BRITTNEY) feel free to shoot it my way.  I'll send it back :)

Ok, the pain is mounting so back to the couch I go.  I am worried that I am gaining weight.  Also, I love the show Jon and Kate Plus 8.  Oh, and apparently my heavy dosages of Vicodin are shredding my insides because after using the bano (a rare numero dos... amazing how backed up you get when you don't get exercise) all that I wiped away was pure blood.  But I can barely breathe even WITH the Vicodin, so that's a fun new mystery to figure out.  

I definitely am grateful for your prayers and support and hopefully I'll return to full time for you wonderful readers soon.  Until then, don't herniate any disks in your back!  It sucks!  I don't know how I did this though, so I can't give specific tips.  Just don't hurt your back.  It kind of ruins life.

PS  Though I probably sound somewhere between sarcastic and trite I actually have cried a LOT today.  I think that, on top of everything else, I am getting PMS.  So add that to a very emotional situation and I just cry all the time.  I hope that crying burns calories.

However, we are not at all without blessings!  Our awesome community group from church will be helping us pack up the moving truck this weekend (a HUGE help!), and our awesome landlord-to-be will be helping us on the move-in.  And thankfully, I can take a day off work and get us most of the way settled in fairly quickly.

Today we received an unexpected blessing from M & C (readers and friends of Tami) in the form of money to help alleviate our financial loss.  It is very humbling to have received this, and we are very, very joyous even amidst all the difficulty.

I'm doing everything I can on my end to get Tami healthy and writing to you all yet again.  Until then, all prayers and well-wishes are greatly appreciated.

I am on bedrest, have an MRI scheduled for tomorrow, and spent 6 hours of my life in the ER last night.  Not fun.  But I miss you guys and want to let you know that I am still alive, just unable to update much.

In the  mean time, you can go read this:

I'll try to do a weigh-in next week.  I did weigh myself yesterday and it was 343 but I don't have the energy- or pain tolerance- to do the updating and math and such.  Being stuck in bed all day is worrisome- I hope I don't gain weight for next week.  I suppose we shall see.

Until then, feel free to send your love my way and I do appreciate your prayers, particularly since I don't get sick leave and not working for a week is going to wreak havoc on our budget.  Praise God that He is in control and not us, otherwise we'd be a mess.

Love ya-

T

PS- I'm on prescribed heavy doses of Vicodin, so if I say weird things I am sorry.  I feel aware of my surroundings but at the same time it's all fairly surreal.  Normally I won't even take ibuprofen unless the pain is so bad I feel nauseated, so this whole heavy duty painkiller thing is rather weird for me.

And the pain is getting horrible, so I am going to leave now.  Back to my horizontal position on the couch I shall go.

So, bad news.  I hurt my back.  I don't know how, but moving is incredibly painful.  The only way to not constantly grimace in pain is to either be on my side hugging a body pillow between my legs or to sprawl out on my stomach.  Otherwise my lower back spasms and it's so painful that I want to throw up.

I just returned from the doc and they're putting me on muscle relaxers akin to horse tranquilizers (at least, that's how they seem to me) and a heavier dosage of vicodin than when I had my migraines last fall.  I have to get physical therapy and I can't work for 3-5 days.  Mind you, I have no paid sick leave and you have to work at my company for 1 year before you get any vacation (I've only been there 8 months... exactly two months today, exactly).  So this is going to be very tough on the pocketbook since we're moving in two weeks.  Very bad timing... I just have to trust Jesus.

I've been two pounds down so I hope that holds through Wednesday- I'll still weigh-in.  For now I have to go lie down and pray that the pain subsides- thank you all for your love and support and I hope you understand why I may not be super accessible for a few days.