Do you ever feel like life just gets in the way?

I sure do. I am not even sure what it's getting in the way of, but it just is.

I'm proud to report that I am doing well on the track of honoring Jesus and being healthy- today. Actually, to be fair to myself, I did a decent job yesterday considering that it was J's birthday and we went out for pizza at an AWESOME new restaurant we just discovered (The Rock: Wood Fired Pizza for you Puget Sound-ites... why did we wait so long to try it? It's the coolest place ever, and great pizza to boot), and I made him a delicioso chocolate cake. I ate small, controlled amounts and didn't gorge mindlessly. Today I am doing a great job of writing things down, and I am already to 2,600 steps- normally I am not even there until I get home.

But I am stinking busy. My job just exploded with responsibility, and it's really hot. The AC apparently only works in half of the building. Ironically I used to be in that half but jumped at the chance for the better office- windows, better desk, bigger, etc. Now I am so hot and I get REALLY grouchy when I am hot. I just feel like I can't function. So I am fighting that, it's 2:38 and I am just now able to eat lunch, let alone take any sort of break, and I'm trying not to stress over the growing mountain of work.

Also, like a true culinary genius, I got soup from TJ's for lunch this week. SOUP. HOT FREAKING SOUP! So now I get to eat hot [read: freaking hot.] soup so that my rising temperature will just get all that much warmer. The problem with being so fat is that I finally bloated out enough about 2 years ago that my inner-elbow area starting getting angry red stretch marks, and I simply won't wear any shirt shorter than 3/4 length. Plus, I don't really have any professional (even semi-professional) capris or anything, and I hate wearing skirts (chubby people chafe when skin has no absorbant barrier for crowded inner thighs), and I am just too hot!

Oy. The deal here is that I recognize that these are all things that will make for good excuses to derail my efforts. Instead of eating small portions of leftover cake and ice cream I could eat a giant portion of each because "I deserve it after my day", and poor little me should rest and not have to exercise. So I can recognize this and confront it head-on by going home and exercising and counting every calorie I consume or I can ignore it and give into my traditional escapism methods of mindless eating and mindless TV watching.

I am choosing to recognize it, and fight on. Last week I robbed Molly of the opportunity to support and bless me with rewards, I robbed my husband and future children of a healthier wife/mother, I robbed myself of the chance to get out of this sickly cyclical sin (say THAT 10 times fast), and worst of all I sinned against Jesus when I committed myself just a week before to authentic surrender. I hate the roller coaster, but I refuse to unbuckle my seatbelt just yet.

Thanks for sticking with me this far- hopefully you aren't too dizzy or ready to hurl. I'd have blown chunks all over myself by now were I not, indeed, myself.

And that's that.