[Love Remains the Same, Gavin Rossdale]
So I added a Facebook app that allows me to network my blog, blah blah blah. You can post a few notable entries for the blog profile that others can read, to get a feel for what your blog is about... and as I thought about what entries I like best about my blog I dug all the way back here and here. Eek. I'm not saying I've written nothing of substance since then, but... what a reality check.
The worst entries have been the recent ones... they've become "I'm fat". "I ate poorly today". "I ate well today". "My back hurts". "Life is rough". "Life is looking up". Oy vey! Seemingly my days of insightful prose evaporated as the spring runoff turned into warm summer lakes. Tragic, really.
So, while there are some insightful ideas rumbling around in my head, I can say this: Today is a no frills (aka bland, ala all of my entries as of late) update on my state of mind. But I will get my act together and start writing about stuff that actually matters again. Well, or at least stuff that's interesting :) Nonetheless, here's the bland:
I have decided to weigh myself once a day. Not to obsess over ounces here and there, but to get a feel for my daily progress. Yesterday I was 349.5 and today I was 349.2 (and today I had my pants on- yes, rare for me- but they likely weigh a few ounces at most and I didn't care that much). Also, I'm making a concerted effort to really pay attention to portion sizes and keep a mental list of calories. I really haven't been snacking much lately, so that will work. If I find myself snacking a lot then I'll start writing stuff down again, but for now I'm ok. I can tell you that today I'm at 500 calories so far. I've only been up since noon, so that's no half bad.
The other big thing is that the physical therapist told me that even walking at this point is just murdering my feet and ankles. So, I'm not going to intentionally go for walks. I am, however, going to do my strengthening exercises EVERY. SINGLE. DAY. (ok, except Sundays) No matter how much I don't "feel" like it I will do them. They have a main focus of strengthening my core, which is good because weak abs really contributed to my back injury. All of those lower back muscle spasms when I worked out were my body's way of telling me that I was doing damage... I just thought I was too fat. Whoops.
So I'm working on listening to my body more... the PT did say an elliptical would be good for me, but we just can't afford a gym membership right now. And, suck as it may, he basically said no DDR, no exceptions, until I lose about 50 pounds, and even then no jumping and high-impact steps. *sigh* That said, I will work exercise into my daily life in little ways- getting the mail myself, instead of letting Jason do it, parking far away on purpose, etc. Plus, chasing Brody around nearly 30 hours a week will help :) I know these are small, and I feel like I should do more, but I said that to my PT and he pointed out that slow and steady is a better plan. I can't try to outdo what my body can handle- I did that and then I got hurt and all of my progress was erased. I need to focus on what I can do, not worrying about people's perceptions of what I should be doing nor trying to force my body to do what it can't, do what I am able to do well and be obedient with eating. If I do that consistently the weight will come off and I'll be able to do more and more. That said, I'm going to start entering every contest I can find to win a Precor elliptical machine (they're top of the line, long lasting, and won't break under my weight), so feel free to ask Jesus to bless me with winning one :)
The good news is that I'm sensing a renewed vigor to do this and do it right. My desire is deepening to be a better steward of this body I have been given- and if I took better care of it, it would be one rockin' bod! Jesus gave me curves and muscle and athletic tendencies, I've just never stewarded my body to do those things. Sure, I have a genetic propensity for obesity, but my DNA didn't shove entire batches of freshly baked muffins down my esophagus. Hmmm... what a weird word, esophagus. Just read it, slowly, like five times. Weird freaking word.
Another thing- I'm going to start intentionally planning our meals. As in, looking up recipes and then shopping according to them. I have a ton of cookbooks (having a wedding will do that to ya), plus there are so many great healthy recipes on sites from Weight Watchers to the Food Network. This will really help with calorie and fat consumption... I tend to think up meals on the fly before sending Jason shopping, and more often than not they tend toward unhealthy.
I am continually focusing on the spiritual battle of eating- overeating, that is- and wanting food more than Jesus. I still struggle with the comfort demon- it's a biggie for me. Seriously- hereand here are better insights, if you're a newbie or just need a refresher. The habitual sin still infuses my life and I find myself mindlessly wandering into overeating episodes, albeit unintentionally, and I have to pray continually that Jesus would keep my spirit sharp and aware so that if I'm going to sin it is an open choice to do so. Simultaneously I'm praying for the Holy Spirit to continually equip me to flee temptation. I'll take all the prayer I can get, so thank you to those who keep lifting me up. I know so many of you are so desperate to see me have victory in this war, and I'll keep fighting.
Soooo... bland, but an update. I did realize one encouraging thing- I only gained 5 pounds in the midst of the back injury. Not too shabby ;) Oh, and here's one huge victory- so the J-man and I have decided a healthy and satisfying snack for us is to pop some popcorn on the stovetop and then to toss in some sea salt and a few peanut M&M's- you get the salty-sweet combo, the M&M's get warm and melty delicious, the textures hit on various palate points (the crisp / soft combo of the popcorn, the crunch of the peanuts, the melty gloriousness of the chocolate) and the popcorn fills you up so you won't feel the need for as many little chocolate wonders. It's a great combo. So we bought a 1 lb bag of the M&M's- and I haven't even TOUCHED them apart from making the snack once earlier this week. Boo-freaking-YAH!
With that, this is long, my back is getting tender, and I haven't showered yet today. Gross. Time to get all up on that.
PS Starting next week I'll resume weigh-in Wednesdays. Also, I'm going to get a body tape measurer and get the inches to track those, likely once a month. It has to wait for the August budget, though :)
PPS I officially quit my old job and I feel the sea of sweet freedom lapping at my ankles! Literally, George Michael's "Freedom"- the chorus, at least- keeps spinning round 'n round on my mental iPod. 'Tis pure joy, my friends, pure joy. Something tells me that my migraines will take quite the hiatus :)
This entry was posted
on Thursday
at Thursday, July 24, 2008
and is filed under
goals,
good foode habits,
surrender to Jesus
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