Kill me now.
Starting Weight: 367 (circa January 15, 2008)
Starting BMI: 57.5
Week 9: 346.2 (April 30, 2008)
Week 9 BMI: 54.2
Pounds Lost This Week: -5.4 (gain)
BMI Lost This Week: -.6 (gain)
Total Pounds Lost: 20.8
Total BMI Lost: 3.5
% Weight Lost This Week: -1.5% (gain)
Total % Lost: 5.7%
****************
Ok, not really, but I'm so... perturbed. Not angry, not even frustrated, but perturbed. On the one hand, I know I ate way more sodium than normal, what with the Chinese food Sunday night, and my stomach feels bloated and puffy, and workouts weren't the world's most on point last week. But on the other, I ate 2100-2800 calories each day, most days closer to 2100 and my recommendation is 2600, so I was undercutting some, though not by so much that it should have shut my metabolism down. Most importantly, there is NO WAY I consumed enough calories to put on 5 actual pounds- as in 18,200.
So... I know that I shouldn't be discouraged, and I am trying not to be. But 346 is what I was when I had the miraculous 5 pound loss, and now I have the horrific 5 pound gain. I only had one week with a gain since I started getting serious 9 weeks ago, and that was a measly pound and it was because I wasn't eating enough. This pretty much sucks.
That said, it isn't in vain, because it's caused me to do some serious soul searching. Why am I on the roller coaster of hi-highs (my reboot) and then lows where I just sort of plod along half-heartedly like this last week? Why can't I just be steady? Why do I get serious about truly letting Jesus break the grips of sin with regards to this idol of comfort (ie eating without conscience and utter laziness) and then the next week try to do it on my own power, trying to guilt myself out of eating bad foods?
To be sure, I have made progress. I have turned down delicious foods I used to indulge in (example: mayo, butter grilled onions, Doritos at an outdoor picnic for work last week... I had ketchup and mustard on my solitary sausage, and counted every calorie into my daily allowance), made conscious choices to control portions on small treats, etc, but I am not making myself exercise and I have periods, like last weekend, where I really loosened the reins on counting calories. There's no mistake or coincidence in the fact that my food journal tends to skip from late Friday afternoon to Monday morning. Friday evening through all of Sunday fades into the abyss. And that's bad, because now I am fatter, and probably losing muscle mass for not strength training but once in about 2 1/2 weeks.
When will enough be enough? When will I get real and get serious, and truly desire Jesus as #1?
I know I can give a pat answer, but pat answers helped me get to 367 pounds. I need to really evaluate this greedy, sinful heart of mine and get real.
And, of course, write about it on here. So stay tuned. And know that even if I write kind of random stuff in the meantime, a serious soul-searching is going on. I could come back in two weeks with it, or two hours. But it's coming. If you are of the loving Jesus type I'd appreciate your prayers.
So... I know that I shouldn't be discouraged, and I am trying not to be. But 346 is what I was when I had the miraculous 5 pound loss, and now I have the horrific 5 pound gain. I only had one week with a gain since I started getting serious 9 weeks ago, and that was a measly pound and it was because I wasn't eating enough. This pretty much sucks.
That said, it isn't in vain, because it's caused me to do some serious soul searching. Why am I on the roller coaster of hi-highs (my reboot) and then lows where I just sort of plod along half-heartedly like this last week? Why can't I just be steady? Why do I get serious about truly letting Jesus break the grips of sin with regards to this idol of comfort (ie eating without conscience and utter laziness) and then the next week try to do it on my own power, trying to guilt myself out of eating bad foods?
To be sure, I have made progress. I have turned down delicious foods I used to indulge in (example: mayo, butter grilled onions, Doritos at an outdoor picnic for work last week... I had ketchup and mustard on my solitary sausage, and counted every calorie into my daily allowance), made conscious choices to control portions on small treats, etc, but I am not making myself exercise and I have periods, like last weekend, where I really loosened the reins on counting calories. There's no mistake or coincidence in the fact that my food journal tends to skip from late Friday afternoon to Monday morning. Friday evening through all of Sunday fades into the abyss. And that's bad, because now I am fatter, and probably losing muscle mass for not strength training but once in about 2 1/2 weeks.
When will enough be enough? When will I get real and get serious, and truly desire Jesus as #1?
I know I can give a pat answer, but pat answers helped me get to 367 pounds. I need to really evaluate this greedy, sinful heart of mine and get real.
And, of course, write about it on here. So stay tuned. And know that even if I write kind of random stuff in the meantime, a serious soul-searching is going on. I could come back in two weeks with it, or two hours. But it's coming. If you are of the loving Jesus type I'd appreciate your prayers.
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