Another friend of mine, one who is battling lifelong obesity as I am, chimed in on the issues that I talked about yesterday- the fact that being fat is a physical marker that leads to discrimination even by those who would otherwise proclaim to be extremely "tolerant".

This incredible woman talked about how, at her job, she is consistently overlooked when it comes to delegation of work. She works for a firm where clients are billed for time spent on their project, and she is supposed to be given work by the heads of those projects. She finds, though, that the work almost exclusively is given to a coworker with the same position who is thin. There are other issues at hand, such as my friend being in her mid-20's and on a tight budget- aka not a ton of new, professional clothes!- and the other woman is of a much higher income bracket.

Regardless of the peripheral issues, she made a very good point- fat people are perceived as incapable of being intelligent or diligent. She worded it best, so allow me to share:

I think that you're right, that a 'sin' or shortcoming that shows up so obviously makes it that much more difficult to demonstrate - well, a multitude of characteristics about ourselves. How can a 'fat' person be 'hard-working' or 'smart' - obviously, if they were intelligent, they'd know to just not get fat! And the same goes for diligence - if we're not seen as diligent about our bodies, which the whole world can see (or think they see), then how could we be diligent at our jobs?

This is, in my opinion, spot on! I am a smart woman, and I can rest in that truth. In addition, I am a hard worker- when there is a task at hand, I get it done quickly and I do it well. I don't give up on something if I actually believe it matters. Yet I am certain by the facial expressions of total strangers that I am looked at as lazy and clearly not very bright.

I'll step on some politically correct toes here, but think about it- when you read an article about America's "expanding waistline", or you read articles about the morbidly obese, do you conjure up pictures of bright, young, corporate ladder-climbers? Do you envision a well-dressed and made-up woman sipping a mojito at a trendy NYC hotspot? Is the person a smart hipster arguing that there really are similarities between Proust and Faulkner in the local, cool anti-Starbucks?

Somehow, I doubt it. Particularly for those of us born and raised in this great Northwest, we imagine "those" people in Alabama who constantly eat fried chicken and fried okra and some mashed potatoes with their butter. These people also wear huge T-shirts praising the '76 World Expo and 'warsh' their dishes in the 'crick' when they "ain't got no water because the well done run clear dry".

I know I sound harsh, but seriously, we associate obesity with people who are weak at best and dumb and lazy at worst. The reason I am in denial about the way I look is because even I link horrible character traits to fat people. Fat people are stupid and lazy, but I'm not stupid or lazy, thus I can't actually be fat.

Somehow I must reconcile that I can be smart and diligent but also fat. I'm working on that. Don't think for a second that my self-awareness about my food addiction suddenly means I have it all figured out and I'll wake up tomorrow suddenly a size 6 and running marathons. But I can be fat and still have wonderful inherent qualities. Obesity doesn't discount those things. I think that's why the harsh opinion of me in a previous entry about being compared to others on Facebook hurt so much- just because they're on a fat face doesn't mean my eyes aren't beautiful. Being the crowning glory of a distinctly oversized body doesn't make my hair ugly. Not taking the time to do more than put it in a pony tail might reduce it's attractiveness, sure, but my hair isn't so bad. And... really, it's puffed and stretched out, but my face is beautiful, and losing weight won't recreate it- rather, weight loss will better define what's already there.

I don't pretend that my food addiction is ok by any means. It's a horribly slow death that I have wrought upon myself and if I don't change now I'll die young. All arguments about the actual effects of obesity aside, a 5' 7" woman's body isn't meant to constantly carry an excess of 200 pounds. I challenge any woman to attach 200 pounds to her body and see how easily she walks up a few flights of stairs. But I can no longer buy into the lie that because I have allowed food addiction to rule my life that I am stupid and lazy. I'm not even weak. I've just refused to rely on my true source of strength- Jesus Christ.

This was a stream of consciousness (aka mind vomit) entry, but I hope it resonates with people.

For now, I'm damming the stream to leave room for the watershed of other tributaries :)