Once upon a time, in one of my many failed attempts to lose weight, my awesome friend Darla offered me some great advice. I ignored it. I mean, it truly was great advice. I just didn't put it into practice. I have now, kind of unintentionally.

Anyway, she gave me this tip re: shopping for groceries. When in the store, look for a person who is cute and fit and clearly is healthy and works out. Not just the sickly-Paris-Hilton (I really don't like her, if my blog posts are any evidence) skinny chick, but the cute girl in workout pants with her hair in a pony tail and tennis shoes that clearly do more than walk around Nordstrom. I suppose to be fair, for the males (hi, males) look for some lean guy... just don't make it look like you're checking him out. That could be awkward. Since my readers are heavily female (oh, the double entendre THERE) I'll stick with the chick analogy.

When you find this poster child of health, probably in one of the perimeter aisles, look and see what's in her cart. Chances are it will be fresh fruits and veggies galore, with whole-grain-this and organic-that. Cheetos? Probably not. Sorry, Britney, but Cheetos make you fat. They just do.

Because, clearly, Britney Spears reads my blog.

Anyway, the subject of your experiment might have a pint- not half gallon, but pint- of chocolate chip mint ice cream. You might go, "Whaaaaa?" when you see the ice cream, but chill out (I kill myself, really)-- she's reading labels and counting her calories. You might note that it's from organic milk and the cows were rBST free. It's still yumzo ice cream! No one can blame a girl for that, in moderation. We all have our thing.

Next, go to the middle aisles(second paragraph) of the store and find a person who... well, who you wouldn't want to trade bodies with. Unless you're like me, and you're the fattest person in the store. In that case, pick the next fattest person in the store. She's probably wearing a T-shirt that's way too big (who knew sizes went up that much, right?), elastic banded pants, and her hair is most certainly in an unkempt, frizzy half-pony tail and it's BEGGING for a brush. Basically, one glance causes you to think she's doing everything she can to just disappear. Too bad she takes up half the aisle, which makes invisibility rather difficult. But when you attempt to squeeze by without bumping into her ample arse, check out what's in her cart.

I'll quit being philosophical here and tell you a true story: last night, when shopping for our teriyaki chicken- no caps!- feast (to be fair, Jas actually had Asian fried rice) we were looking at the gourmet soups, which happen to be located in a little refrigerated kiosk in front of the deli. A woman was there, and I first noticed that she was dressed frumpily, wrinkled around the eyes enough to be in her early- to mid-30's, and pretty obese. I'm fatter, but she wasn't small by any means... I'd estimate her around 275. Without even meaning to, I glanced in her cart. It had 5 frozen pizzas (Totino's size, but still packing hella calories, fat- especially the horrible saturated kind, sodium and carbs!), frozen chicken nuggets, lasagna, ice cream, various sugary snacks, the whole deal. She was at the deli counter buying an entire box of fried chicken (which is compounded exponentially in the ew factor due to it being 9:30 at night and they were literally throwing everything else from the cholesterol-incubator away) and I knew without looking that she wasn't wearing a ring and definitely she'd go to her apartment where she lives alone and polish off the box... though I did check, and her finger was bare. Even worse, she also had a giant bag of cat litter. The poor woman is a walking cliche, a living, breathing punchline for fat people jokes around the world.

I guarantee you that her shopping cart will cause you to go put back those Pringles, and you'll probably en route yourself through the produce section where you can stock up on spinach, broccoli, and apples.

To think that I was that fat lady (granted, I am still fat, so my shopping cart must get people all kinds of confused) only a few months ago. Methinks it's a bit early to reminisce about the bad days and spark off on how different my life is now (maybe at 50 pounds lost... over halfway there), but I remember the horrible things I used to buy. I would get cardboard (aka frozen) pizzas... actually, pretty much 80% of my average shopping trip was frozen food and literally 95% processed food. I almost always bought an onion... I eat a lot of onions. But most stuff was mac & cheese, Hamburger Helper, chicken nuggets, etc. My various past roommates, all fairly healthy, must have been horrified.

The thing is, I actually feel really terrible for that woman. Not only is she empty and filling up on food, but she's sequestered herself into a lonely life. I don't doubt that she shops at night, when the store is mostly empty, on purpose- her garb made it clear that she wasn't coming straight from work. Straight from the couch, maybe, but definitely not a social gathering or work. And I know it sounds like I'm just ridiculing her, but really, I ache for her. I was her. At times I still am her, and that food will never, ever, ever meet the needs she's attempting to satisfy.

So, if you can do so without envying the cute, fit chick or without despising the fat lady, really pay attention when you shop. And then be that person who will inspire the lady trying to feed her desperation for Jesus with Coke and Oreo's to go put the junk back on the shelf, right where it was in the middle of the store at eye level.

Side note: Sometimes people here in hippie-granola-birkenstock-Subaru Seattle give me weird looks when I show up in Trader Joe's or on the rare trip to Whole Foods (too dang expensive!). I can't wait to freak people out at the Ballard Farmer's Market on Sundays when we move there (starting in June). I just ignore people- I'm letting Jesus change me, I've lost 26 pounds and counting, I deserve to shop at healthy food stores and keep getting more fit, and to be blunt, it's just none of their concern why I have the audacity to shop even though I'm a fat chick. That's just life.