No Fit Tips Friday this week- life is busy, and I forgot to post the question this morning, leaving a mere 2 hours for replies before I go off to the weekend. Thus, allow me to point out something INSANE.

Yesterday, when I stated that today's Sweet Valley High Wakefield twins would likely be a size 2, I honestly was going to say size 4. But I have two dear friends who started exercising and eating healthier, and they both found their bodies naturally settling at a size 4 when they made healthier changes. I know that at least one of them reads this blog, and I didn't want her to think it was some underhanded cut against her for being thin. Actually, she's beyond 9 months pregnant right now (April's a much more awesome month than March, Bek, so hold out!) and so she likely thinks of herself as anything but thin :) Nonetheless, I was intentional to say a size 2 instead of 4, but really, 4 was the number in my head.

Then I received an e-mail last night with this line:

I almost spit out my orange juice - I went to this site right after reading your blog :)

What, you say, could cause an otherwise calm chica to spray the room orange?

A simple Google search gives you the answer; click this link to see what flabbergasted both of us. Or, check out this article from Entertainment Weekly, or this detailed account of the changes to the books and why Random House seems to think it's so great to tell size 4.5 girls that they're fat. It's truly press-release worthy to inform the world that you're only actually perfect at a size 4. Pshaw, all of you size 6 fatties!

Anyway, it's totally freaking insane that I just mentioned it yesterday... I've had SVH on my mind a lot lately, because my mom told me she was cleaning out my closet from my old room, and had stuff for me... I asked if she had books, and suddenly I've been craving the ability to cuddle up on a Saturday afternoon to an SVH reading marathon. I LOVED those books, and I am really hoping that maybe I had a few I held on to. So yesterday, when referring to what has been ingrained in me as the perfect size, I was able to connect the fact that size 6 has long been in my head as "perfect" and it's because of those silly books (that I loved... love...).

I simply am appalled that, for their re-release, suddenly Elizabeth and Jessica are a "perfect size 4". I mean, sure, Sweet Valley High was never actually a real representation of high school (though, mind you, I was certain that was EXACTLY what it was supposed to be like when I was reading them in the second grade) but is a toned, tan, athletic size 6 now the new "fat"?

I have to rant more here, because despite the fact that Tyra Banks makes me want to swallow a pitchfork, I actually like the show America's Next Top Model. This season, Whitney is the token plus size chick... the preview for next week refers to her basically being too fat for the runway because she's a GARGANTUAN size 10. If I- and a hefty (snicker) percentage of the population- woke up tomorrow with her body I would be ecstatic. I'd likely run naked through the streets of Seattle (ok, maybe that's not all that abnormal here...). Yet other girls on the show mock her and call her fat. This actually makes me angry.

It makes me think of Beth*, a good friend in high school. She was GORGEOUS, and every guy wanted to be with her. She was popular, stylish, the kind of girl guys like to hang with, sang beautifully, and was just messed up enough that everyone wanted to be the one to save her. Her younger sister Ruth (by 11 months... oy for their mama!) was awkward in every way, yet suddenly Sophomore year, when Beth was a Junior, Ruth started ironing her hair, wearing make-up, and bought some tighter clothes. Suddenly Beth's boy-toys (she always had several) were inquiring about Ruth. See, Ruth was 5'6", 112 pounds, and decently stacked. Beth was also stacked, but she was likely a size 8 compared to Ruth's 4. When they fought, as sisters that close in age often do, Ruth would mock Beth for being fat.

I have many memories of Beth, the sister I was closer to despite her being the grade above me while Ruth was actually in my grade, but the one that stands out the most is of when our basketball team went to state. We rode the rooter's bus, and stopped at McDonald's. I knew that Beth was bulimic (what's sad is that I can't remember ever telling anyone who could help, because I knew that I sometimes did the same thing), but she hid it from most people. That night, however, she made herself throw up while we were on the (crowded) bus. She coughed and gagged on the back of her tongue until someone retrieved the garbage bag, and she just stuffed her finger down her throat and sent all of those calories into the industrial sized Hefty bag. Everyone knew it, yet we all patted her back and soothed (coddled) her. Then, the next morning at school, we all just pretended it never happened.

We don't keep in touch, but I saw Beth at none other than a state basketball game my high school played in while I was in college in the same town. She was bigger, likely about a size 14, and I felt so awkward because she always invested her entire worth into her appearance and it was clear that she was incredibly uncomfortable with how she looked. I was a lot fatter too, but then I had always been legitimately obese and not just a little thick. And I never pretended to be pretty or desirable. I wasn't sure how to handle talking to her so I just exchanged niceties with her, said the empty, "Oh, definitely", to her, "We should hang out sometime" and walked away knowing I'd likely never see her again. I wonder, though, how she's doing. Psychologically, more than physically. Ruth is still gorgeous... if I didn't care so much about protecting people's real identity I'd go copy and paste a picture from her MySpace page... awkward and gangly in middle school sure turned out ok for her... according to the "perfect size 4" standard. Thanks, Random House.

People think this doesn't affect us... but it does. I guarantee you that if I am a size 12, retainining my curves, one year from now I'll feel better about life. I'll want to be satisfied. I won't be, though. I can promise you that my husband will be overjoyed- I'll be fit enough to "be doers of the word" and happier in that realm, yet I'll still have certain assets that he never wants me to lose. I should have what most would say women are striving for- an amazing man who can't get enough of my body, who tells me how gorgeous I am (he does that now, but we both know that will just grow in him as I shrink... seriously, a size 26 is really fat), yet I won't be satisfied. I'll wish I could be a 10, or really just an 8 would be perfect. But if I somehow were a size 8, I wouldn't be satisfied because while I look ok, certain outfits would look better if I were only a size 6. And, really, a size 4 is what would be the best because then I would just look so lithe and lean...

For me to be a size 4 would literally take anorexic tendencies. My body is not genetically programmed to ever be a size four. I went from a mildly chubby no-chested girl to a mildly-chubby D-cup literally almost overnight in high school. I have a naturally narrow waist and naturally wide hips, a big ass, and I'll never have bikini thighs. I will keep eating smart, I will keep working out, and I will pursue taking care of this body and overcoming food addiction. But for me to attain to a size 4, and to be told that it's the standard of "perfection" is... well, it's steamy pile of defecation. Shame on Random House for changing unrealistic books (seriously, Jessica falls in love with a vampire at one point) into a "more realistic" dress size for teen girls. Shame on ANTM references to a size 10 girl as fat. Shame on our entire culture being obsessed with the circumference of our hips but not the condition of our hearts (both in spiritual and cardiovascular terms).

I, for one, have had enough. Don't tell me how happy I'll be at a size ____ (fill in the blank). Don't tell me how good I'll feel at ___ pounds. Encourage me to keep making the choice to not allow food to be my god, and to not be a lazy ass who encourages plaque to line the walls of my ventricular chamber. Encourage me to be real, to pursue health, and quit stressing about my "goal weight". I will track weight loss because we all know that 350 pounds- 347.7, even- is not healthy. But whose to say that if I level out at 185 that it won't be healthy? My body will tell me when it's at a healthy size and weight.

Ok, I have to just point out that I thought I made the part about "ventricular chamber" up, but it actually is referring to heart chambers! Being smart is so much sexier than being skinny... just ask anyone who knows Paris Hilton.

That was mean. It's a sign that the rant must end.

Share your thoughts, friends :)

PS I just remembered that in college (called Sweet Valley University) Elizabeth gained "a bunch" of weight and got really fat. She was a disgusting slob! A horrifically obese size... 8. Yup, a total heifer.

The worst part is that it burrowed deeply into my 12-year-old mind that a size 8 was actually really fat. I was a size 10 at the time. Honestly, it's so sad.