I really don't feel like writing this, but I am going to anyway.

Yesterday's surgery was rough.  For one, I didn't have any water (or food, but the water was the roughest part) for 21 hours so I had the worst dehydration headache.  I do a good job of staying hydrated, generally speaking, so not having water for that long was HORRIBLE.

Also, the anesthesia and I had issues.  I remember waking up, and I cried a LOT.  I kept asking for Jason.  Also, they had to transfer me (all 357 pounds of me) from the surgery bed back onto the bed that rolled into my recovery room.  I remember saying, quite tearfully, over and over, these phrases:

"I'm so fat... I'm sorry I'm so fat."

"I'm sorry I made your job so hard to do because I'm so fat."

"I want Jason... [sobs] I want Jason... [sobs] I want Jason... [sobs]"

"Was I a good patient?"

"I try to be a good person... I'm sorry I'm so fat."


I feel pretty weird that I kept saying those things.  Me not on anesthesia would never say those things, other than begging for Jason.

I feel ick.  I have no appetite... the saddest thing hit me last night, though.  Jason was eating dinner, and I was feeling terrible from the aftereffects of the drugs, but I had no desire to eat anything.  At the same time, though, I was feeling pretty sad and I really wished I could eat.  It hit me right in the face how much I use food as comfort.  Sadly, food is what comforts me more than anything else.  Poor Jason... he's been doing such a great job trying to take care of me.  Today, I don't want anything.  I want to just sleep and wake up and not feel this ick.

I hope this post makes sense.  They have me on heavy duty oxycodone / percocet.

The thing is, people told me that this wouldn't be such a huge deal.  But my surgery was pretty heavy duty.  Like, my top teeth were no big deal.  But my bottom teeth were massively impacted, and the surgeon had to remove chunks of my jawbone.  There are a bunch of stitches all over where my bottom wisdom teeth were.  Seriously, I am super swollen and can't really get my tongue back there, but the stitches and hole are about the size of 2 quarters on each side of my mouth.  That's just a mess.

The good news is that I'm not bleeding much.  The bad news is that my jaw hurts horribly, like someone punched me over and over in the face... or like a surgeon drilled out chunks of bone.  Ick.  The drugs make me feel kind of ick and dizzy and pukey but all I can eat is a pudding cup.  All I have had to eat since Sunday night is 4 pudding cups... I tried to eat some cottage cheese but then I felt freaked out like chunks would get stuck in the holes in my mouth so I ixnayed that idea.  The pudding cups don't help the medicine not make me feel sick but I do not want to eat anything else.  I guess it's a good diet :)

We're supposed to drive to my parent's house (about 6 hours) tomorrow, so I would appreciate prayers from anyone who thinks to, just that I'll start feeling better enough to be able to make that trip and not be miserable.

Lastly, here is a pic of me looking super sexy, with ice bags on my head and bloody scabs where the tape from the breathing tube tore off my skin.  Sad.

Enjoy.