[Here Is Gone, Goo Goo Dolls]

Here's the lowdown, down-low, whatever.

If you've been following my blog, you know that I'm considering / researching WLS (weight loss surgery).  I have my first apt tomorrow with a primary care physician; hopefully she'll be my pcp long term and she'll help me  get on track with a plan for 6 mos to work on losing weight without surgery.  There's more about that in one of the three posts in that link above.  I'll let you all know how that goes.

Also, I'll post more about actual WLS, and what I'm thinking.  I have an informational seminar scheduled for Thursday evening with the man I am looking to have do my surgery, if I get it, so I'll save my thoughts until after that.

Last but not least, I am going to start doing a once a month official weigh-in.  A lot of people do this, plus it's what a personal trainer (whom I cannot currently afford) recommended I do, so that's the plan.  I'll likely weigh myself more frequently than that, and probably even mention my weight from time to time, but the first of the month- or very close to it, as the case may be, being as today is November 2... ok, now November 3 since it's 12:19 am- will be the official day for better tracking purposes.  You can track it with the nifty new label, "it's the first of the month "... my personal homage to Bone Thugs-n-Harmony from my frosh year of high school.  No, I don't smoke weed, in case you have any idea what I am talking about and are wondering.  Never have, never will.

Anyway.

I'm also creating a new tracker, replete with the amazingly innovative title of "progress tracker" as a gadget on the sidebar.  How long have I had this new theme and promised one?  Let's just move on from that, no?

I also like the idea of another blogger to have a monthly calorie bank that allows me a treat now and then if I must have it but that stops me from always overindulging daily and thinking "I'll get back on track tomorrow". I think my food intake has been good, but to be perfectly honest I haven't tracked calories for months and I'm sure there is no mystery as to why I seem stuck in the 350's.  I am certain the doctor tomorrow will tell me that if I'm not on weight watchers or a similar plan then I need to be counting calories.  I'm going to wait and see what the doctor says, but I'm thinking about using sparkpeople more consistently.  Yeah, tracking calories and calories burned is work, but to be blunt, what the hell do I think all of the dietary restrictions will be if I do get WLS?  Fun?  Not really.  I need to quit fearing hard work and just do it.  Plus, sparkpeople has various forums and support groups so maybe I would benefit from connecting with others in similar situations to mine.

I'll sleep on that last paragraph, in addition to taking into account what the doc says, since I need a realistic number of daily calories per doc supervision as a jumping point anyway, and go from there.  I'll plan on updating tomorrow (later today?) afternoon so you can look forward to that.

One last thing- I'm going to update my body measurements hopefully tomorrow.  I have a nifty new body measuring tape, but since I got it I have been rather slack in updating my weigh-ins and such and thus have never even opened it...and now I don't know where it is.  I'll find it tomorrow and have the J-man help me measure my body.  You know, the fully monty- neck, chest (it'll be interesting to see how much my boobs shrink, plus I have disgusting back fat directly behind my breasts that I'd really like to see shrink), arms (upper and fore), waist, hips, thighs, calves.  I think that with weight will hopefully encourage me.

So dems some plans.  It basically hit me today, whilst chatting with a dear friend (you know I love you, C-Max) that even if I do get WLS it's gonna be a lot of work, and I can't sit here waiting for that day.  Cheesy as it may be, the future is now.  Let tomorrow worry about itself, and I can just deal with today.  I don't have to fear the hard work; I just need to quit being greedy with my time and do it.  Plus... hard as this is to admit, while I haven't completely reverted to me a year ago, I haven't been as consistent with food for a few months, and the scale isn't lying, but for whatever reason I just haven't been honest about it on here.  That's the truth behind the lapses and silence.  It basically sucks, and it's sucky of me, and I am truly sorry.

Seeing the blogger I have now mentioned three times in two days be honest about her weight gain and subsequent efforts to get the scale moving back in the down direction has reminded me that we who are in this situation, the morbidly obese with serious food / lack of exercise issues, have fantastic highs and serious setbacks but the growth is in the battle to keep going.  Need I remind myself that this is Foode Fight and not Foode Joyride?  Hopefully, no.  I can remember that I am a warrior in constant battle and I can't live in this dream world of "the day when it all gets easy".  That's about as productive as being a Christian who ignores Jesus, figuring I'll live for Him the day I quit being a sinner.  The answer to that one is easy- the day I quit being a sinner is the day I die, and by then my life has been wasted and while I get to spend eternity with Jesus my opportunity to live this life for Him will be finished.  To be totally honest, the day it gets easy, these foode and lack of exercise issues, will be the day I am dead; if I keep putting off the work for when that day comes then chances are I'll be dead because of my weight issues and I'll likely have died far too young.

I had a weird premonition in college that I wouldn't live to see my 40th birthday.  It seemed so far off.  Now, freshly 27, it's not so far away and I'll be damned if I die that young because I refused to try and address my idols of food, comfort, and escape.

Ok, off of my soap box.  Here is my "it's the first of the month" weigh-in number and then I really must sleep.  This number is from yesterday morning, naked on the scale and pre-consumption of any foods, though my hair was wet.  Just so you know- I did it right, save for the wet hair ;)

November 1 Weigh-In:  357.5

UPDATED 11/3


Measurements (in inches):  


Neck: 18
Chest: 57
Upper Right Arm: 22
Upper Left Arm: 21
Lower Right Arm: 14 1/2
Lower Left Arm: 15
Waist: 56 1/2
Hips: 66 1/2
Right Thigh: 38 1/2
Left Thigh: 39
Right Calf: 21
Left Calf: 22 1/2


Hasta, kids.