**Note: I added the story to the end that I forgot!  And, I meant to give a shout-out to Colleen for really encouraging me to try Weight Watchers-- I'm excited to figure out the finances so I can start!**

[Take A Bow, Rihanna]

Things are going much better today.  My dentist appt wasn't so bad- basically, they referred me out to an oral surgeon and said that unless the abscess gets all huge and nasty that I can wait it out a few weeks.  Jas' UPS job has MUCH better dental benefits (and, really, better benefits over all) and I am active on there I think the 19th so I'm going to wait to get the surgery until then.  I'm not totally clear on it, but I think we will get the entire thing covered at 100%, which would be HUGE for us.

Re: the dentist and my teeth... I was shocked.  Completely shocked.  So here's the thing-- my mouth is too small and my teeth are all sorts of messed up... mostly just that my canines are up above / below the rest of my teeth  (the top is worse than the bottom) and then the set directly next to my two front teeth are forced behind the rest. I knew I needed braces in school but we just couldn't afford them.  As a result of hating my crooked teeth I have always taken kind of shoddy care of my teeth- I only brush once a day, whenever I shower (and I can't lie- if I'm around the house all day and not going anywhere and don't shower I sometimes don't brush my teeth at all), and I never floss. I try to floss but it's such a bloody mess, and my gums throb, and my teeth are so tightly packed that just forcing the little bit of floss through feels like I just had braces tightened, so I just give up.  Plus, we used this super-defense Listerine and it made my teeth really yellow and even stained two of them.  Add all of this to ten years of not going to the dentist and I expected to get majorly reamed and chewed out... and to hear that I had like 12 cavities.

Instead, the dentist said over and over (seriously, like 5 or 6 times, always sounding increasingly shocked), what amazingly great teeth I have and how lucky I am.  I only had one tiny cavity, and no decay otherwise.  She didn't even chew me out for not flossing.  Also, x-rays showed that I have really, really deep roots (seriously- there was the tooth itself and then like 6-8 times that size in the length of my roots- I had no idea!) and she said that if I take care of them I'll have a very small chance of ever losing them.  Also, she really encouraged me about getting braces and I think that once we're out of this dark hour financially (probably a year or two) we'll look at getting on that for me because my teeth now cause me a lot of pain (cutting up the inside of my mouth and such) and I'm just really, really self-conscious about them.  I know this will sound silly, but to me bad teeth are a sign of poverty, of being a hick, and what with my idolism of financial security I get antsy about things that make me look low-class (this is one reason my weight bothers me, because I classicize it into a "poor people" problem).

Anyway, the dentist wasn't so bad.  On the money front, Jas is pretty sure we'll be ok through October, though, sadly, no awesome birthday gifts for me :(  He's really pursuing options and has a second interview for a job doing IT stuff tomorrow, and then a friend of ours sent his resume and glowing recommendations to recruiters for contract work with Microsoft (where he would really like to end up).  The way it works at MS is that most people start out with a contract company, usually 12 months, and you work for Microsoft but through the agency.  Then, if you prove yourself, most people can get hired by MS; it's really hard to get hired outright with no contract work first, though.  Plus, even these low-level jobs will replace and possibly exceed his pool income so it's all good.

I think it's directly connected to feeling less under the throes of PMS, but I know we'll be ok.  Sunday's sermon was PERFECTLY what I needed to hear; seriously, I felt like Pastor Mark read my entry from Saturday night and was preaching only for me.  I still don't trust God as Father and I view everything that doesn't go according to my plan as punishment.  I need to ask God to get me through this, just as Jesus did in John 17, knowing He was about to go to Gethsemane and through all that would culminate in His death on the cross.  I know the Lord is drawing us near, to help us to trust Him and to stop worrying and relying so heavily on ourselves, and I have so far to go, but I'm honestly grateful for the test because it reminds me that God hasn't given up on me.

I will still seek whatever sort of counsel I can find at church, but I'm also going to try and figure out a way to join Weight Watchers.  Right now even $20 is a lot (this reminds me of a story I'll tell at the end) so until Jason gets a new job it's out of the question, but I know that meeting people who live near me and can literally walk through this with me will be such an encouragement to spur me on.  The accountability and facing the scales every week will really help, and so I'm going to pursue that as soon as the money is there.  Though I just looked it up and it's a flat $40 a month with no registration fees and there's a meeting I could easily go to after water aerobics on Fridays so maybe I'll talk to Jas and figure out how to swing it.  I'll eat cheaper food if I have to- I need to do this.  So I'll see what we can work out.

Beyond that, my back is hurting (still, I know!  Which is a bummer but it's life) and I'm feeling sleepy.  But I wanted you all to be up to date on how I'm doing!

I love you all!

Special Addition:

Jason, you already know this but now the world can, too:  this last year has been the best of my life.  I faced some of the darkest hours and hardest times to endure, yet I know I was able to get through it because of Jesus and because He brought me you.  May we only continue to grow, and I am continually honored to be your wife.

EDIT:  Added story!  Sorry that I forgot it!

Today Jason and I went to brunch at a sweet restaurant we saw on Diners, Drive-ins, and Dives (we love Guy Fieri!) and afterward we had to go pick out a shirt & tie for J's interview tomorrow-- all of his nice clothes are from before he lost 75 pounds, so I basically put my foot down and made him get them :)  I'll take pictures of the outfit on him sometime because he looks HOT!  Anyway, we popped into Target to get toothpaste, and on the way out I found a dollar bill.  I seriously hooped and hollered and danced like I had just found $100!  It was so funny and Jas couldn't stop laughing at my crazy antics.  Seriously- is this a sign of our financial woes?  Does everyone get excited when they find a dollar?  Because I was seriously ELATED!