[Broken, Lifehouse]

I can't get enough of this song.  I keep listening to it on repeat on iTunes.  I'll decide to take it off repeat, but then it will come on eventually and I'll remember that I love it far too much to move on to another song so I'll put it on repeat again.   In fact, in 20 seconds it will surpass "The Last Night" by Skillet as the song with the highest playcount.

And done.

In fact, in honor of this song, I will post my top 25 most played songs now, replete with play count, from 25 on down.

#. Song - Artist, Play Count

25.  The Time of My Life - David Cook,  187
24.  Hate That I Love You - Rihanna feat. Maroon 5, 190
23.  The Truth - David Cook, 192
22.  Waiting For A Star To Fall - Boy Meets Girl, 193
21.  More Than A Feeling - Boston, 193
20.  Brand New Day - Forty Foot Echo, 197
19.  Here Is Gone - Goo Goo Dolls
18.  So Small - Carrie Underwood, 206
17.  Look After You - The Fray, 217
16.  Hide And Seek - Imogen Heap, 218
15.  Light Up Ahead - Further Seems Forever, 218
14.  Chemicals React - Aly & Aj, 218 (Um, that's embarrassing.)
13.  Black Balloon - Goo Goo Dolls, 225
12.  Hey Ya - Obadiah Parker, 240
11.  Back To Good - Jonathan Clay, 242
10.  When You're Gone - Avril Lavigne, 242
09.  Over My Head My Head (Cable Car) - The Fray, 243
08.  East To West - Casting Crowns, 249
07.  Always Be My Baby - David Cook, 251
06.  He's A Pirate (Pirates of the Caribbean theme) - Klaus Badelt, 253
05.  Car Crash - Matt Nathanson, 257
04.  I'm Not Alright - Sanctus Real, 308
03.  Meaning - Gavin DeGraw, 379
02.  The Last Night - Skillet, 388
01.  Broken - Lifehouse, 391

Fancy.

So I went to water aerobics this morning.  The crazy thing is that I let myself hit snooze one extra time, being a non-work day and all, and then Jason and I ended up in this long convo in the bathroom before I got in the shower (I was on the toilet, wicked awesome [my new favorite word is wicked, ala slang]) and then in the shower I had to shave my legs and armpits (you know... water aerobics + nasty hairy = wicked unawesome).  I planned to leave at 8:30... but when I got out of the shower and checked the clock in the kitchen it was exactly 8:38.  Lovely.

So, after a flurry of putting on clothes and finding stuff to change into and searching frantically for a plastic grocery sack to put my wet clothes in (I didn't find one; 'tis the downside of always using reusable grocery bags.  I ended up using a freezer sized Ziploc) and such I ended up drinking and eating nothing at all this morning.  Smart.  Wicked smart, even.

I arrived 20 minutes late because I'm crazy intelligent and decided to take a route that sent me 15 shades of totally and completely out of my way, plus, you know, I left at 8:53 and the class starts at 9 and I had to figure out where the locker room was and all. But it seems that God was blessing my diligence because the instructor was 30 minutes late.  She amped it up and the workout was really intense.

Intensely awesome though!  I loved it!  I remembered that my body is naturally athletic and that when I work out, particularly if I like what I am doing, I really push myself and my body eats it right up (this never ceases to impress my husband, and you can check it out a mini-story about that here) and it feels really good.  I loved the water aerobics because without the burden of all of the extra weight on it my body could just stretch and push and get that wicked sweet feeling afterward.  Plus, the fabulous part about the pool is that, though my heart gets going and my body temp rises, I don't sweat.  I am a sweatmeister (as most fat people are), especially in my face and it was so fabulous to not deal with that.  The funny thing is that I am by far the youngest person there- one lady is in her 30's and then everyone else is clearly 50+, with one lady that might be 40 something.  That said, I'm also the fattest :)  Good thing that will change!

So, mega-kudos to Crissy for kicking my tail into gear!  The aerobics were actually really fun and I never thought I'd be able to say that about an exercise class, especially not while this big.  I feel like my job and everything are aligned perfectly by God to make this my routine.  I hope I get addicted to working out!  In a good way, of course; to have exercise as god would be no better than food as god because I'd still be flailing and miserable and needing my Jesus.

I met with a trainer dude about setting up a personal training program for me; Jas and I will sit down this weekend and work out our budget and figure out what we can afford.  I am trusting Jesus to make it work, because I'm ready to make this happen, to see my life keep changing.

I am very, very excited to keep seeing my life change!  Discipline has arrived-- my home is still clean, I'm working out, the food(e) is under control, and biggest of all I see Christ doing a major work in my heart (I'll post about it later, but much is happening in me to redefine love).  I am by no means perfect, and I'm still nervous about slipping up, but for now it's enough to know that Jesus is Lord and I can rest in Him, that this is so much more than gaining control of some messy areas in my life.  This is about surrender, about Jesus taking that which was flawed and marred and utterly worthless on it's own and making it beautiful and whole so that He can receive glory and renown.

I remember reading the blog of a woman who was pushing 400 pounds and then, suddenly, something in her snapped.  She was done, over it.  Said blogger lost 135 pounds in her first year, and despite infrequent updates I believe she's still losing.   Likewise, I often hear testimonies of people caught up in habitual sin who had a moment of clarity and declared the sin dead, repenting and never returning to it; this is, I think, one of the greatest miracles Christ still does, renewing the degenerate to life and abolishing sin.

The best miracle is that I can be that blogger.  I can be the testimony of someone under the oppression of sin who is changed, totally and completely, into a person that is no longer even a shadow of their former self.  I have hope.  True hope.  My change of mind has come.

Sometimes I don't even recognize myself- still going to the gym this morning even though I was totally late and my habit would be to give up, looking forward to going tomorrow, cleaning the kitchen as if I like to do so, not really wanting to watch TV or spend hours on end on Facebook, knowing with certainty that this is it, that I'm changed and renewed and not going back.  I'm over it.  I'm into Jesus, fully, completely, and without abandon because of His mercy, His grace, His compassion, His love.  I'm not trying to impress anyone or prove anything.  I only want to be in Jesus and let His work in me spill out onto these virtual pages for the edification of others.

I'm sorry if I sound like a Hallmark movie.  Well, no, actually, I'm not sorry.  I don't recognize this new Tami, but I really, really like her and I think she- I- is the woman I have long yearned to be.

A'ight, kids-- I'm done now.