I can hardly believe I'm doing this. Putting it all out there. Do I really want people to know how much I weigh? We females freak out at people knowing our weight, even those who are thin. Most women would sooner yank out a tooth with pliers and no pain meds than have their weight posted for the world writ large.
The truth is, I can't afford to hide mine any longer.
As with any weight loss story, I have to start at the beginning.
Me around age 2... normal toddler size, from what I can tell.
I remember always being chubby as a kid. I was never the toothpick skinny girl, not even from pre-school age.
Top: Me playing with my grandparents' dog, Cookie, at their house, circa age 8
Middle: My brother and I, in a rare moment of peace between us, circa age 9
Bottom: Posing for my fourth grade picture, age 10
One extremely painful experience was when I was in fourth or fifth grade- I remember having a crush on Eddie Rodriguez*. On the playground during lunch recess, on one brave day, a friend took him the message of my feelings and asked him if he wanted to "go out" with me. He came over to me and bluntly said, "If you weren't fat I'd say yes. That's your only problem."
As if elementary school torture was not enough, middle school just got worse as I packed on the pounds. I am not sure how much I weighed, but I remember shopping for clothes for school just before 8th grade. Not knowing that underwear doesn't directly correlate to jeans size, I found that size 10 jeans fit perfectly, thus I bought size 10 underwear. I remember putting them on over my pants and parading around my family's tiny trailer, with everyone busting a gut in laughter. Were it not for this, I wouldn't really have much of a reference point for how big/small I was.
Me, a decent power hitter... boys used to say from the stands, "Just put your weight behind it"
The deal is, though, that I always played a lot of sports. In middle school it was basketball and track. High school was basketball and softball. In eighth grade I actually ran the 800 meters, which is two full laps around the field. I remember pushing myself so hard that I wanted to die, and the coach saying, "Well, you did decent so this will be your running event." I pretty much always came in last place in the meets, but I pushed myself and always finished. In basketball, I literally puked after running lines, and I remember welcoming it because then I could get a break from running. There really was no grace for the fat girl, though. I'm sure the coach breathed a sigh of relief when I had to give up basketball my junior and senior year in order to have a job.
One of my senior pictures, with my (skinny) best friends
The deal with high school is that I was liked- I was a bit of a pushover, and I relied too much on being funny and laughed at jokes way too loud, but I was voted friendliest and best laugh and such in the proverbial superlatives section of the yearbook. I'm pretty sure I was accoladed as most likely to succeed, or smartest, or something along those lines, too, but I sure never was most popular or best personality or hottest or any of the crowns that go to skinny people. I actually was topping the list for "biggest beer belly", despite never having been to a party or having touched a drop of alcohol beyond the taste or two my parents gave me. The yearbook teacher knew it was a cruel joke and pulled the plug on that one, thank goodness.
I only played softball my junior year, and then my senior year I was only able to do football stats and play no sports in order to keep my job, so I packed on the pounds. Plus, my job happened to be at a sandwich/ice cream place, where I ate way more than the $3 limit per shift and probably gorged on thousands of calories a week. So, I know I was around 220 and a size 18 when I graduated high school.
The second half of this first entry will be college and beyond, but I'll stop her here to actually get this first post up and running :)
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