[Somewhere Over The Rainbow, Israel Kamakawiwo'ole]

A few quick things.

First of all, I found a different BMI calculator that lists where I rank versus other Americans... you can check it out here .  I was pretty discouraged to find out that I am in the 98th percentile.

The NINETY-EIGHTH percentile.  Less than two percent of all American females weigh more than I do.  I know I'm fat, fatter than even most fat people, but... ouch.

Another eye opener was how I look on camera.  I had the random (brilliant?) idea today to start posting vlogs (video logs, for those stuck in the dinosaur era... kidding!) on YouTube.  I have a Foode Fight channel there, I just never utilized it.

Truthfully, it's one thing to write and post the rare picture.  It's something else entirely to record  myself.  Now, if you thought I was always as cute as my profile pic, you'll realize that usually I don't look like that.  My hair is frizzy, my teeth are jacked up, and I look far less lovely when I am not wearing make-up.  I realized, though, that I need to just get comfortable with who I am.  So what if I don't do my hair and wear make-up every day?  I let the world see me that way in person... a video just captures the moment longer.  And someday I will get braces and my teeth won't be likened to those of vampires.

Random fact:  my only birthmark(s) are two faint dots on my neck, over my jugular, that look exactly like a vampire bit me.  Ducky.

The point is... I am who I am.  So, I uploaded my first video today.  It's embedded below.  I have to say that usually I am way more animated, which I hope future videos will portray, and I will totally speak up next time.  I'll also work on enunciating- I recognize that you totally can't understand certain parts on the first view.  Seriously... I didn't prepare.  I just clicked "record" and went for it.  At the end, when it cuts off, I was in the middle of saying "That was dumb".  You'll understand why if you watch it... I wish I hadn't cut it off so soon because it would have been rather funny.

Also, I love the part from 4:07 to 4:13... I could watch that a million times.  I think it's because the faces I made remind me of something you'd see on The Office.

Anyway, this is risky.  Definitely took some cojones/cahonas if you know what I mean.

Listen, I don't feel pretty.  I watch that video, and while the person I see is somewhat endearing, I hate the way her eyes are made to look small because of how the fat squishes into them.  The 57 chins are completely not my favorite.  Just when I admire the cute mouth with the perfect shade of pink lips I notice the crazy teeth and the way I curl those lips when I feel awkward.  My forehead is huge.  On and on... I'd feel a little better about me with my hair done and make-up on, but I refuse to go get "done up" to record a video that's supposed to be raw, real, and honest insight into a fat lady's journey to conquer morbid obesity / food addiction.  If I am wearing make-up already and feel cute, I might hop on to post a vlog, but I certainly won't wear it solely to do so.

Watch me go and get all done up and post one tomorrow, right?  That would be funny.  We'll see.

Anyway, the video's embedded.  Here is the Foode Fight channel on YouTube; feel free to subscribe.  Make me feel popular.  'Twould be nice.

Last thing: I showed this to my husband, and as I sat there noticing every reason why I don't think I am beautiful, he was mesmerized the entire time, genuinely laughed at comical parts, and tenderly kissed me at the end and told me how incredibly amazing I am.  I still don't understand what he sees when he looks at me, but I hope that sooner or later I start to believe him.

Done and done.

Hasta, kids.