[So What, Pink]

First, the bad news: I didn't go to water aerobics today.  The good news: I'm alive.

Jason gets up at 2:30 am and leaves for work around 3 am; I woke up at 3:24 (it was scary enough that I remember, plus I'm always weird about remembering exact numbers like that) choking.  It was an extreme case of acid reflux, and I was gasping for air and trying to cough and couldn't really do much of either.  I awoke in a panic, and I honestly can't remember exactly what I did, I just know that after a lifetime (about 10 seconds) of choking and feeling the bile burning my entire esophagus and wondering if I was literally going to die, I was finally able to choke the acid back down and draw painful and ragged breaths.

I went to the bathroom to pee, shaking, and decided to drink some milk.  I really don't know if that's good for acid like that, but I knew it would feel cool and soothing to my throat.  Then I looked up home remedies for acid reflux online and found a homeopathic remedy of drinking apple cider vinegar, but we had none, so I went back to bed, with my head propped up as high as I could manage, and tried to call Jason.  He was working, as it was 3:45, so I left a voicemail that basically started out with me croaking out words (my throat was seriously damaged, at least temporarily) and ended with me crying, saying I woke up scared that I was going to die and I was all alone.  Poor guy, he got the voicemail when he was leaving work at like 8:30am, heard that I was choking, and started trying to call me in a panic.

I tried to sleep, and after probably an hour I was finally able to drift off.  I slept so deeply that I don't remember turning my alarm off and Jas had to call me four times before I even heard my phone- and it was right next to my head on the bed.  Thus, I slept too late for water aerobics and I really wasn't feeling up to much of anything.  It was a seriously scary experience.  I've woken up with acid reflux before, maybe 5-7 times in my life, but never like this.  Usually it was just choking down a little acid that irritated my throat.  This was seriously bad, where my esophagus was spasming, trying to force the acid up my throat, while my lungs reacted by coughing and trying to choke the acid back down so I could take in air.  I don't know how long I was choking before I woke up, but those 10 seconds were the longest of my life, I can tell you that.

My number one fear of death is in some way being suffocated, be it by drowning or some sort of strangulation.  Anything where I can't breathe completely freaks me out.  Waking up, alone, choking on my own stomach acid, and having a few very real seconds where I thought I might not be able to breathe and might suffocate and die right there in my own bed at the age of 26 literally scared the hell out of me.  I was pretty shaken up most of the morning.

I know I sound melodramatic.  I can't describe to you how terrifying it was, though.  I remember realizing that Jason wasn't there and I couldn't even call for help because I wouldn't be able to get any sounds out.  * shudder *  It was an experience I never wish on anyone.

Two things are very clear here:

1) I need to lose weight.  I am certain, despite having no medical proof, that the sheer amount of fat in my abdomen puts pressure on my stomach that forces the acid up.  We didn't even eat a large meal- after eating an entire package of spaghetti noodles by having three bowls each on Wednesday night the J-man and I were convicted to really get serious about our nighttime eating habits.  So, I only made half the package and we each had 1 bowl.  I do think the tomatoes in the sauce set off a bad reaction,though, so I can tell you it will be a long time before I can eat spaghetti again.

2) I need to see the doctor as soon as we get our new prescription cards.  This is weird, but our insurance has Aetna for dental, Regence / Blue whatever for medical, and someone else for prescription drugs.  I've always only had one company for insurance, so it's all sorta weird to me.  But the thing is, I'm on Prilosec because I get frequent heartburn, and I took a pill last night.  We always call them my "stomach pill".  Prilosec doesn't work.  I had a month's worth of samples of Prevacid early this year and that worked awesome, but my insurance didn't cover it.  I'm hoping our new insurance does, and if it doesn't then I'm going to pressure the doctor to get it cleared.  The fantastic thing about our medical system is that insurance companies buddy up with certain pharmaceutical corporations and thus will cover drugs made by their compadres but not by "the others".  It's a horrible real life LOST situation if you ask me, because if the medicine that works best for someone just happens to be made by "the others" then there's a lot of hoop jumping the doctor must do to get the insurance to cover it, like forcing the patient to try the stuff that doesn't work and prove that it doesn't work... I was so fed up with it earlier this year that I just stayed with the Prilosec since it made my heartburn a little less frequent, though it didn't take it away completely like the Prevacid.  After last night's scary scenario I'm not going to be so compliant.

So, Jason brought home some apple cider vinegar and I followed the directions that 224 other people said helped their acid reflux when nothing the doctors prescribed would: I had Jason made me an ACV cocktail of 8oz water + 1 TB apple cider vinegar.  It was the most horrifically disgusting thing I have ever consumed in my entire life.  I almost vomited, it was that bad.  Plugging my nose didn't help a bit.  But I'm going to start doing it every day and see if it helps.  Some people add a touch of honey or maple syrup to help the flavor but that honestly sounds even more disgusting to me, so I just have to get over it and remember that if this works it will at least be me choking down acid by choice, and not in the middle of the night when I am helpless and alone.  I wish that were more comforting than it sounds.

Anyway, that's all for now.  I can tell you that I ate pretty well today and I still owe you a post on what God is doing in me, changing my desires, but I'm honestly just too tired right now.  Plus, I got a sweet hair cut & color today and I'm excited to show it to you all but, again, it's gonna hafta wait.

-T