[Viva La Vida, Coldplay]

I didn't update my Foode Log or Spiritual Foode this weekend because I was really busy; sorry!  They are both very important and I want to be consistent in updating them, but I don't want to be chained to them.  The guy I met with to look at setting up personal training actually told me that with food I should be very careful not to let it get overwhelming, the counting calories and all.  He advised to do what fits into my life, and that if counting calories becomes this heavy burden then to back off a little bit.

I get that, because we had date night Saturday and used some gift certs we've had for The Old Spaghetti Factory that have been sitting around for over a year.  I never felt like I overate- I was conscious of what I was eating, and even stopped eating the BEST peanuts ever when we went to a local microbrewery in Lynnwood, Big E's, afterward.  I realized I was full and should stop eating, so I did.  That said, I have been stressing myself out for two days to go look up the calories and post an update... I don't have to do that to myself!  This needs to be something that fits into my life, not that dictates my life.  I've said this before, but I will reiterate a crucial point- if I get all obsessive about food and exercise and start to make control of them an idol I'm just as bad off as I have been worshipping the idols of laziness and comfort.

Anyway.

The one bummer is that I couldn't go to church last night or water aerobics this morning.  My back is really hurting, enough that I just couldn't go.  We had a meeting yesterday afternoon, leadership stuff for church, and I was in so much pain by the time that we got home that I had to lay on the couch and the hour between getting home and leaving again simply wasn't enough to recover.  I was actually really upset about it, though, as opposed to past times where I was just being lazy.  Additionally, Jason advised me to make a decision this morning about water aerobics, so I woke up on time but my back just wasn't having any of it.  I was (strange for me) upset that I couldn't go; good thing I had my amazing husband here to comfort me.

I started to feel the freak out coming on, especially last night when I was tired, in pain, and upset.  The feelings of despair and thoughts of "I'm doing it again, just going back to where I have been and my repentance was another useless bit of words" assailed me from all directions.  But instead of going to eat something I prayed to Jesus that He would comfort me and protect me from the lies, that He would heal my back in His timing and that I would stay dedicated to life change and repentance and trusting Him.

I still felt bummed out  this morning, somewhat, when my back was still sore (and it is now) but I also have much more of a peace- I can rest in Christ and not stress out.  He won't let me fail unless I choose to, and I choose to have victory and peace in Him.  I'll be very intentional this week with B as I nanny to not do so much of the tossing him in the air and stuff that is harsh on my back, and I'll speak up if doing some of the chores put too much strain as well.  I am blessed with really wonderful, godly employers who feel convicted to look out for me as my back heals and I can't let myself get so caught up in trying to impress them that I hurt myself.  I just get really nervous that they'll think I am lazy; it's awful of me to get so caught up in people-pleasing that I'm willing to hurt myself, especially when it's people who love me with the love of Christ and would be gentle in reprimand if I were being lazy.  I'm such a head case!  I'm working on letting Jesus take reign so that I can stop being so worried about impressing everyone all of the time.

Anyway, one cool thing from yesterday's training was a quote I saw that echoes sweet words my dear friend Bekah shared with me a while ago, so I'll end with it:

Supposing you have tried and failed again and again, there is always another chance for you.  You may have a fresh start at any moment you choose, for this thing we call 'failure' is not the falling down but the staying down.

                                                                                   ~Mary Pickford